


Let My People Go

by Julie290



Series: Destiny Gone Astray [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: AU S02E09 (Sins of the Father), Angst, Dark!Arthur, F/M, Family, Fluff, Friendship, Tragedy, Trigger Warning:Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-24
Updated: 2013-10-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 06:26:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/896920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Julie290/pseuds/Julie290
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At what point does destiny break, or rather at what point do we realise it is broken? How do we know when it is about to go astray? What do we do when we understand that what is happening isn't meant to be? What Merlin did, was walk away...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was published on ff.net under Alaia Skyhawk's profile, because at the time I was unable to go to Internet. As my friend, she agreed to type and publish the paperback version of this story, as well as beta it for English isn't my first language.  
> Please note this is an alternate ending for the episode, 'Sins of the Father' (for those who don't remember, the episode where Morgause tries to turn Arthur against Uther).

Merlin sighed... How had they come to this? Was that really what his destiny implied? Yes, Arthur had brought magic back to the land, and years after his coronation Albion was finally united... But at what cost?

The official version of events showed Arthur as a hero, when coming into the throne room to talk to his father, the prince had found him dying, stabbed by a sympathiser of magic. The man, seeing himself caught, had turned his weapon against the prince, who then managed to kill him first and avenge his father... But that version was a lie, and very few people knew the truth.

Arthur had killed his father, and Merlin had only arrived in time to see him run him through screaming that his mother had died because of him. The two Knights who had been there had sworn allegiance to the new King, and now were unable to say anything for fear of the safety of their families. Merlin had told Gaius, but who else would have believed the words of a servant?

Trying to prevent Arthur from continuing his father's fight against magic, Merlin had revealed his powers to the new King, and that was when it all started to go wrong.

Arthur had immediately seen the advantages of having a sorcerer faithful to him. Once Merlin had been careless enough to tell him that an oath in the Old Tongue could not be broken, the King had given an ultimatum to the magical community... 'Swear never to turn against me, and you will be free. Refuse and you will be hunted down.'

And they had believed him, because according to the Druids he was the Once and Future King destined to bring magic back to the land. Some had been distrusting, though, and had gone into hiding. The only sorcerer not asked to make the vow was Merlin, for Arthur wasn't a fool. Merlin, Emrys, was supposed to be the most powerful warlock of all time, and no doubt he could break such an oath if he decided to. Not to mention that Merlin had been his servant for two years, and had he wanted to turn against him he could have killed him long ago.

It had been a few weeks after his coronation that the king announced his marriage to the Lady Morgana. When Merlin had asked him about Gwen, the reply had been 'Since when does royalty get to marry for love? Morgana's the best choice, she's of noble blood, which will please the court. With a Seer Queen and a Court Sorcerer, the magical community will be inclined to trust me. Guinevere understands.'

And at first it all went well, so much like a fairytale come true, but it had only lasted a year. That was when Merlin had started to see signs than things weren't going the way they should... Arthur hadn't forgiven himself for the death of Uther, and tried to ease that guilt by blaming magic. New laws were proclaimed; sorcerers required to come to Camelot to register themselves. They had to declare where they lived and if they had families. Marriages had to be reported too, as well as births, and the law required all children with signs of magic to be registered as well.

And then Arthur had demanded that every adult sorcerer had to work for him, those that refused being declared traitors to Albion. Merlin had only been able to watch helplessly as his best friend, deaf to all advice, slowly enslaved the magical community. Morgana was only Queen in name, powerless as any other sorcerer to oppose her husband, and so the nightmare continued its downward spiral.

Two years after Arthur's coronation... Merlin abandoned him, unable to take any more.

He left without warning, stopping only at Gwen's house to ask her to hide his old magic book. It had sentimental value, and he didn't want the next Court Sorcerer to have it. He'd then left, only out of the city for about two hours when the Great Dragon, who always seemed to know what Merlin was doing, landed before him.

"And where do you think you are going, young warlock?"

Merlin kept walking.

"I don't know... Away from Arthur, away from Camelot."

The dragon's tone was warning.

"I told you once, one cannot run so easily from his destiny."

Merlin stopped and turned, glaring at him angrily, his voice rising in fury.

"My destiny? Let's talk about my destiny! I remember perfectly what you told me the first time we met. 'Your destiny is to help Arthur unite the land of Albion and return magic to the land'." He flung his arms wide. "Well here we are! Arthur is King, magic is allowed again, and as for Albion he doesn't need me anymore to finish uniting it. It's only a matter of time now. You got what you wanted, he even released you, Kilgharrah."

Kilgharrah frowned, unhappy.

"This is not what I wanted, and you know that."

Merlin scoffed at that, turning away, his spirit wounded and his faith in Arthur broken.

"Really? Well too bad for you, because I'm going. Now just leave me in peace."

Kilgharrah watched as Merlin resumed walking away, before grimly he took flight and went in the opposite direction. Paths as divergent as the road destiny should have taken, and the tragic path that had come to be.

~(-)~


	2. Adaptation

For almost two years he walked across the lands, avoiding the searches that Arthur sent out for him. Going nowhere in particular, hunting for his meals and with time beginnig to light his camp-fires by hand, having decided to stop using his power. 'Without my magic, I'm just a nobody.' He'd said that to Gaius once, a long time ago, and it was exactly what he wanted now. To stop being the almighty Emrys, and become Merlin the commoner.

It was at around that time that he came upon a village, one that looked a lot like Ealdor but for one difference. He could sense it, that over half the people here had the potential for magic, and yet as he looked around he saw that no one was using it. Be it the men tilling the fields or the women washing laundry, not a single spark of power was being wielded and was instead being left unused.

One of the nearby men spotted the now unkempt Merlin, walking over and offering his hand in greeting.

"Good day, my friend. Welcome to Frithstow. My name's Kalem, and I'm the leader of this settlement."

Merlin clasped the man's hand, giving it a firm shake.

"I'm Merlin."

"And where are you from, Merlin?"

The warlock averted his eyes for a moment, becoming evasive.

"Well you could say I'm from nowhere, because there's nowhere I want to return to. I'm actually looking for a new place to live, a fresh start."

Kalem eyed him warily, able to see in Merlin what the warlock had seen in so many others her. Power.

"I can sense magic in you, you are a regular user of sorcery. But you have to know, we're trying to build a sanctuary here. A place where magical and non-magical people can live together in peace and equality away from King Arthur's tyranny. For that reason, every sorcerer must swear never to use magic. Accidents among children are tolerated, occasional slips among newcomer adults viewed with understanding, but persistent and deliberate breaches of this rule will only get you driven away from here."

Merlin nodded in understanding an acceptance.

"And what of those who are born here, who want to use magic?"

Kalem scoffed at that.

"It happens quite often, mostly among the young adults. We permit them to leave and seek magic if they wish, but most return within a year and swear they never want to use magic again. Magic once meant freedom to explore the power of nature and the earth, but now it leads only to oppression. We do not want that here."

Merlin felt a rising sense of hope, that perhaps at last he'd found the place he could start over. Looking at the village, he sighed.

"You're right, I have used magic and for a long time, but now I want to stop. It has only ever brought me grief."

Kalem put his hand on Merlin's shoulder, welcoming him to his new home.

"Then you should be fine here. This is a small community, and we need to stick together. If you decide to stay here we will help you build a house. And in turn, when another newcomer should arrive, it will be your turn to help them. How does that sound to you?"

"It sounds perfect."

Kalem began to guide Merlin into the settlement and down the central street.

"Well then, I'll show you to our 'inn'. You can use a room there until you made your decision, and until your house is ready if you decide to stay."

He led Merlin to the largest building at the centre of the village, ushering him inside where he was introduced to the innkeeper with a smile.

"This is my wife, Janna. Janna, Merlin has just arrived here and he needs a room."

Merlin regarded Kalem's wife politely, noting she looked to be in her late thirties, with blond hair and brown eyes. She also had dark skin, although not as dark as Gwen's. Kalem seemed younger than his wife, although not enough to be unusual.

Janna's voice intruded on Merlin's thoughts, bringing him back to attention.

"Magical or non-magical?"

Her tone was a little clipped and her eyes wary, but he took that disapproval to mean that he'd been unintentionally staring at her.

"Magical, but I want to stop. It's no way to live anymore."

Jenna made a note in her ledger.

"It'll be one silver coin a week, and you have to keep the room clean. Kalem will show you the way."

Merlin handed over the required coin, before following Kalem up the nearby stairs. The leader was somewhat apologetic.

"Don't worry, Jenna's always mistrusting with strangers. She'll warm up to you given time."

Merlin sighed.

"She can mistrust me so long as she doesn't try to poison me. Why did she ask about magic, anyway?"

Kalem's reply to that was bland.

"Because sorcerers get a room that can't be destroyed by a spell. It's the one exception we allow to our 'no magic' rule, the enchantment to reinforce the walls in there. It prevents accidents while newcomers are getting settled." He at last stopped before the door at the end of the hallway, pushing it open. "This is your room. It's not a palace, but it's good enough to live in."

Merlin went through the door, and was confronted by a room so much like the one he'd lived with Gaius that it nearly brought tears to his eyes. In fact he half-expected Gaius to come in and tell him off for something.

Kalem seemed to sense Merlin's need to be alone right now, and began to close the door.

"I'll call you when the midday meal is ready, and then we'll see about finding you some work around her."

The door thudded shut, followed by another thud as Merlin set down his bag. And then he threw himself down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, letting the silence and calm seep into his mind. This was it, the beginning of his new life. A life without magic.

When time came that he was called back downstairs and introduced to people from some of the dozen or so families that lived in Frithstow, Merlin was a lot more relaxed. It clearly showed in his smiles as he returned the greetings, his manner far more at ease and even Jenna relenting on her wariness a little. These were all good people, he could tell, and he could tell that many must have had shadowed pasts similar to his. With a population of barely sixty people, that thing in common was part of what unified the community. They all understood each other.

Merlin was just regaling Kalem with a childhood story about himself and Will, when the door of the farmhouse-turned-inn burst open and a teenage boy charged in with string of fish.

Kalem rose to his feet at the sight of him, and smiled.

"Ah, there you are. I was starting to wonder if the fish had caught you and not the other way around. Merlin, this is my son. Gilli."

The warlock held out a hand, but the teen didn't take it. Instead Gilli just frowned at him.

"You're another of those fools, aren't you? You want to give up magic."

Those village adults that had gathered in the inn's modest tavern room all looked away, and Kalem seemed rather embarrassed.

"I'm sorry, Merlin. Gilli is one of the youths I mentioned, who wish to go out into the world and use magic."

Merlin just shrugged.

"It's ok." He looked now to the young sorcerer. "If you do go outside the village, stay away from Camelot. You'll end up virtually in chains if you go there."

Gilli blinked for a moment, seeming both cautious and surprised.

"I'll keep that in mind... You're not going to try and talk me out of it?"

Merlin smiled knowingly.

"No, because you remind me of a young man I knew, who wouldn't let anyone tell him what to do with his magic. So I think trying to talk you out of it would be useless."

The youth grinned and finally shook Merlin's hand, must to the puzzlement of his father. Kalem wondered at Merlin, realising he truly was an enigma. He was the first adult to ever get on with Gilli, and he could  _feel_  the power radiating from him. More power than he'd ever come across before. Why would someone so powerful give up magic? He would have to keep a close eye on him...


	3. Understanding Sadness

Getting starting in his new life began with Merlin deciding what he wanted to be here. Being a farmer didn't appeal, not with him having lived as one before he'd first gone to Camelot. In the end he chose to become the apprentice of an old carpenter who wanted someone to take his place when he retired. The ageing carpenter was delighted when Merlin agreed, especially when he turned out to have quite the talent for making furniture. By the time the newcomer had lived in Frithstow for a month, he took over the old man's workshop with this blessings, the very day when the village finished building him his house.

It was a perfect excuse for the village to throw a feast for the occasion, and also a perfect occasion for something start up that left Merlin filled with dismay.

The village women, mothers specifically, now saw him as a very good match for their daughters, resulting in him repeatedly being surrounded by them and having them point out their daughters to him. Extolling their good qualities and trying to outdo the other mothers' statements.

About the time that Merlin heard 'She has good, strong hips. She'll give you healthy children' he did his best to beat a hasty retreat towards were Kalem stood watching him with amusement. It took several attempts, although he eventually managed, letting out a sigh of relief before his gaze caught sight of one woman who didn't seem to be enjoying the party much.

He reached Kalem, nodding towards the red-haired young woman, who looked sadly at the feast as if nothing could raise her spirits.

"Who's that woman over there? The one who looks so sad."

The village leader raised his eyebrows.

"Why? Are you interested?"

"No!" Merlin flushed, shaking his head. "I'm not interested in anyone, not in that way. I was just wondering."

Kalem sighed, glancing over to where she sat.

"That's Susan. She's the youngest widow in the village."

Beside him, Merlin gaped.

"A widow? What happened?"

"Her husband was a woodcutter. One day he went deep into the woods and a tree fell, trapping his leg. He called for help, but no one could hear him. But the time he was found, he'd been trapped too long and our physician had to cut off his leg."

Merlin frowned.

"But amputating a leg doesn't cause death, not unless the physician did a bad job, or the wound became badly infected."

Kalem grimaced.

"It wasn't what killed him... He had a mental breakdown. Kept saying that he could still feel the leg even though it was gone. He refused to learn a new trade, and wouldn't go out using his crutches. Susan had to work even harder as a seamstress to put food on the table, while he sat all day brooding in the house. And then, one day without any apparent reason, he went out on his crutches and went to the river. No one knows what happened after that. Did he slip and fall in, unable to get out afterwards? Was it suicide? All we do know is that we found him, drowned, further downstream."

Merlin winced, his expression sympathetic as he looked over at Susan.

"Was it long ago?"

"Two months before you came here."

Three months ago... Knowing that, Merlin couldn't blame her for looking so sad. It was no wonder she didn't join in with the other women.

As if she'd sensed they were talking about her, Susan turned her head towards the two men. The deep sorrow in her eyes struck him to the core. A sorrow much like that which he'd felt when he lost Freya. A sorrow so deep that if he'd not had Gaius to watch over him, he'd might have done something stupid. It was enough to make him worry about Susan, and decide that, as someone who understood that pain, he'd keep an eye on her.

It was a decision he kept to over the ensuing days and weeks, all the while continuing to abstain from using magic. His business as a carpenter was doing well, his days' work sending him to bed exhausted and with honestly calloused hands. The pestering from the village mothers eventually stopped as well, after one too many came and he at last lost his patience and told the woman in question why he wanted to be left alone. That he'd lost his fiancée the day before their engagement was to become official, and that he was still grieving for her. So could he left alone? It didn't take long for word of that to spread, along with fact it meant he wasn't 'available'. And he hadn't exactly lied, had he?

Freya had died on the night they were supposed to have left Camelot together, and they would certainly have married if she'd lived...

~(-)~


	4. Temptation

Chapter 4: Temptation

It was six months after his arrival in Frithstow, that Merlin attended the wedding of one of the village's young couples. Wanting to prove to himself and to others that he was adapting to life here, he even agreed to dance. Enduring the merciless teasing of his fellow men, about his dancing skills, he followed tradition to dance with the bride as all the village men took a turn doing. But after that he danced only with old widowers, gracious in their age, and the little girls who stood watching their elders with envy. It was all so similar to weddings in Ealdor, but couldn't have been more different than Arthur and Morgana's wedding.

Merlin reflected on that, as he stood off to one side taking a rest from dancing. Back then, people had been more preoccupied with protocol and political alliances than actually having fun. Here, no one seemed to care about what others would think of them. They all enjoyed themselves, and that was it. All except one.

Knowing the last dance was about to be called, Merlin walked over to the one widower he hadn't danced with. Susan had remained at the fringes of the celebration, and he knew that he couldn't let her bury herself in the past forever.

He held out his hand to her, his expression kind.

"From one widower to another... Dancing and having fun won't make the pain go away, but it helps."

She looked up at him, not moving from her seat.

"I know you're trying to help, and I appreciate it, but... it's too soon for me."

"As you wish." Merlin sighed, lowering his hand back to his side. "One last thing though, and I'll leave you be. I didn't have the chance to meet your husband, but like I know my fiancée would have wanted for me, I know that he wouldn't want you to hide away. I know it's hard, but life must go on."

Her response to that was a sigh and a tentative smile, but it was clear she still wasn't going to move from her spot in the shadows. Merlin understood that, and walked away without any further insistence. But he knew she watched him as he led a giggling, freckled girl over to do the last dance of the night.

His efforts at the wedding celebration did as he'd hoped. He garnered much respect for his kindness, and his gentle indulgence of the village children. Not many young men would have spent so long entertaining all those little girls, and their mothers appreciated that he'd been so kind to them. The old widowers were also thankful for his consideration, and thought him gallant and chivalrous also, and the village men thought him strong to have enjoyed himself despite the pain of memories of his dead fiancée. The village boys followed him around, practically worshipping him for being gutsy enough to dance with 'ugly old ladies', and the young men without steady girlfriends were glad he wasn't 'available'. Half the eligible girls in the village were already sighing over him, without also having the other half pursuing him.

In the follow days after the wedding, Merlin had to chuckle at the things he heard from Kalem. Some of the little girls had been loudly declaring that they'd marry Merlin when they were all grown up, and some of the older girls had been remarking on how they thought he and Susan would make a nice match... Now where had they got that idea from? Hadn't he made it clear that he wasn't interested in that kind of thing?

~(-)~

From that moment on, things ran quite smoothly for Merlin. He worked outside most of the time, which allowed him to keep an eye on his 'protégé'. He'd become quite good friend with both Kalem and Gilli; the former had helped him keep his magic in check, and the latter had been using him as sounding board for his thoughts. Merlin was content in his new life here, and yet a year after leaving Camelot, one thing had been growing stronger.

The familiar itching in his fingertips, along with the urge to feel the words of the Old Tongue flowing past his lips.

Merlin tried his best to keep his mind occupied, in order not to thing about magic. He knew it was addictive, like a drug, and that he started using it again he wouldn't be able to stop. It had been hard stopping the first time... A second time would be too much to bear.

In the end he took to the habit of going on long walks in the forest, using the excuse of the approaching winter and his need to stockpile firewood for it. It was the day of the first snows that his resolve finally broke, at the moment where a flash of movement caught his eye as he picked up a fallen branch, looked up, and saw it.

A unicorn...

A flood of memories washed over him as he fell to his knees, as awed by the creature as he'd been by the first one he'd seen so long ago. Memories of the good times he'd had as Arthur's manservant; laughing with him, bantering with him, watching him fall in love with Gwen... But also memories of how good it had felt, using his magic to protect everyone. Firstly in secret, content but cautious, and then later in the open as Court Sorcerer. Still content and yet wonderfully free.

Those thoughts distracted him, the unicorn gone when he looked up again. But even so, the yearning was too much and he raised a hand to point at his dropped wood.

" _Forebearne._ "

The branched took light immediately, and the warlock moved closer to them to warm up. When he returned to the village two hours later, with a new armful of wood, it was with a grin on his face. And when asked what had made him so cheerful, his answer was as casually simple a lie as he'd used in hiding his magic in the past. One so plain it would be easily believed... He just loved walking out in the first snows of the year.

But the truth was that he'd been so focused on the wrongs that magic had brought him, that he'd forgotten how wonderful it could be.

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling some of you might scream 'ROMANCE!' That would be wrong, since I'd never write a love-at-first-sight fic for my characters. So no, Merlin isn't in love with Susan. He has sympathy for her, and worries about her, because that's his nature. But that's all it is :)


	5. Secret and Friendship

Chapter 5: Secret and Friendship

From that point onwards, Merlin took on the habit of going back to the meadow once a week to practice magic. It's been a long time since he'd done this for fun. For a whole year he'd totally refrained from using magic, and before that it had mainly been about protecting Arthur and Camelot from magical attacks. Now that he thought about it, the last time he'd used magic for fun was... when Freya was still alive.

The anniversary of her death was coming closer, and his painfully aware of that. He'd planned something special for this, even though he wouldn't be able to go to her lake. He wished he could, but the place was known to Arthur, and Merlin doubted the king had given up looking for him. After all, one didn't let go of 'Emrys' that easily.

When the day came, Merlin warned everyone he would be gone until nightfall so no one would come looking for him. When he reached the meadow in the woods, he arranged into a circle the candles he'd brought with him. Closing his eyes as he then sat down in the middle of them.

"Hey, Freya. It's Merlin. I'm sorry I can't go to your lake this year, but I hope you can still hear me... Wherever you are now." He paused for a moment, thinking back on their short time together. "Do you remember when I wanted to convince you that magic could be good? I have more candles today than I had then, so this is for you."

He held out his hand, softly repeating the spell he'd used that day so long ago, and as before the flames rose from their wicks and began to dance in the air... totally unaware that he was being watched with fascination.

For indeed, one person in the village had noticed the candles showing out of his back. Wondering what he could possibly want to do with so many of them out in the forest, that person had followed him. The love and grief in his voice when talking to Freya, had brought tears to their eyes as they'd listened. They who had watched as the warlock lit the candles with a muttered word.

It was a few moments into the display of lights that their soft gasp reached him. Words that startled him from his memories.

"...It's wonderful."

Merlin sharply turned his head, eyes widening as they met hers... It was Susan. He hadn't thought anyone would follow him. What if she warned Kalem and the others that he'd been using magic? He usually used a spell to stop them detecting his use of it, but if Susan told them...

As if she'd ready his thoughts, the red-haired woman quickly shook her head. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. I just saw the candles in your bag, and I guess I was curious."

Merlin eyed her warily, before sighing in resignation to the situation.

"I guess since you're here, you may as well stay. Come, I'll make a fire...  _Forebearne._ " He gestured to a pile of wood he kept ready here, for the days it was cold and he needed it. But as his eyes gleamed gold, Susan flinched in surprise. "What's wrong?"

She pointed hesitantly to his face.

"Your eyes, they-they looked golden for a moment."

Her reaction made him grin, reminded of how many times he'd seen it played out by others in the past.

"Yeah, they do that when I use magic." Looking at her, he noticed she was watching him with hesitation, and rolled his eyes at that other familiar reaction. "You can ask questions, you know. I'm not going to bite."

She looked a little embarrassed as she as last came and sat down beside the fire.

"I don't know where to begin. How long have you had magic?"

"About twenty-six years."

He grinned again when her eyes widened.

"That your age!" When he nodded, she stared at him in shock. "Do you mean you've had magic since you were born?"

Merlin sighed.

"According to my mother, yes."

He chuckled at the expression of awe in he eyes. Susan reminded him of Gwen, the day he'd told her about his magic. It was the same wide-eyed wonder.

"Can you fly with magic?"

He laughed.

"I don't think so, although I've never tried to so maybe I could. But I don't feel like trying right now."

At last she too began to smile, with humour.

"I guess it  _would_  be suspicious if people suddenly saw you floating above the forest... How does it feel? To use magic?"

Merlin grinned. This really was like Gwen all over again.

"You know, you remind me of an old friend of mine. When I told her I had magic, she asked me the same things. So to answer your question, it's hard to describe something I've always known. All I know is that with out magic I feel... incomplete."

Susan nodded, before a thought came to her mind.

"...Your fiancee, did she have magic as well? Is that why she died?" She saw the flicker of pain in his eyes and hastily added." You don't have to answer. I was just wondering."

There was a long pause, before he sighed and answered quietly.

"It's okay. No, she didn't have magic. A bad witch had cursed her, and every night she turned into a Bastet; a giant, winged cat. It forced her to kill people, and it brought her into conflict with the defenders of a city. She was cornered by a group of knights while in that form, and one of them ran her through with a sword."

He felt a hand clasp his, firmly in sympathy and support. Susan had tears in her eyes.

"What was she like?"

"She had black hair and brown eyes, with very pale skin. She was quiet and kind, and just wanted to live somewhere in peace. I'd promised her I'd look for a cure... She would have liked it here, I think. The snow in winter, the forest."

The silence turned awkward, and Susan realised a change of topic was needed.

"How about your friend? The one you said I reminded you of."

Merlin smiled a little.

"Gwen. She was like a sister to me. She was always kind and compassionate, and was... not exactly shy. But sometimes she would say that that made her embarrassed, and then she would babble to try and explain herself."

The mood relaxed again, and the afternoon passed by. With stories about Gwen and demonstrations of magic, while Susan listened and watched.

The two of them returned to the village by nightfall, still chatting animatedly before going their seperate ways... After Susan made Merlin promise to take her with him the next time he went off to use magic.

Of course, after a few weeks rumours started. The woodcutter's widow was seeing the new carpenter in the forest every week. Wasn't it suspicious? But they soon faded when nothing romantic seemed to happen. They were just friends, Merlin assured Kalem. Neither of them wass ready for a relationship anyway.

~(-)~

Two months passed by after that first afternoon in the meadow, when Merlin came home one evening to find Gilli waiting for him. Surprised, he gestured the young man into the house, closing the door before moving to put a kettle of water over the fire.

"Have you been waiting long?"

Gilli shook his head, settling into one of the several chairs the man carpenter had made himself.

"No, I just got here. I wanted to talk to you."

Merlin began riffling through his supply of herbs, finding the jar of blend he used for tea.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Herbs now tipped into water, Merlin sat down at the other side of the table as Gilli took a deep breath.

"In spring, I'm going to leave Frithstow."

Merlin blinked.

"I thought you were going to wait another year?"

"I'm tired of waiting. I'm already seventeen, and I want to practice my magic. I just wanted to ask you if you had any advice for me." Gilli smiled. "Other than staying away from Camelot."

Merlin went quiet, thinking about it.

"I could tell you about some of the creatures I know, in case you meet some of them."

The seventeen-year-old grinned.

"I think that's a great idea."

Merlin returned the smile, amused by Gilli's eagerness.

"Well, first I can think of is a griffin. Head of an eagle, body of a lion, and size of a horse. They're very fierce predators, and persistent. When one chases you, it doesn't give up easily."

Gilli braced his arms on the table, listening avidly.

"So how do you kill one?"

Merlin gave him a long look.

"Well you need a very strong  _enchanted_  weapon. Mundane weapons can't kill them. The one I killed, was by enchanting the lance of my friend who was charging at it on his horse. We worked together, and it required a rather powerful spell."

Gilli took the point, looking a bit bashful having pictured himself taking one down.

"So... better to run. Yeah?"

Merlin nodded.

"Yes. So, next one you might meet is a Wildeoren. They look like giant, baby rats, again about the size of a horse. They feed on human flesh if they can get it."

"Do they have any weakness?"

Merlin's expression turned wry, having personally experienced this.

"They live in caves, with little light and are virtually blind, so they hunt by scent. A way to get past them is to smear yourself with gaja berries... Which for the record, reek. With your scent obscured by the pungent smell of the berries, the Wildeoren will ignore you so long as you don't provoke them."

Gilli caught the humour of past experience in those words, and chuckled.

"Any friendly creatures in your list?"

Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"There are unicorns, but they're rare and you don't stand much chance of seeing one. I've seen two, but that's just down to luck."

They talked for another hour, with Merlin listing all the creatures he knew, ending with the Questing Beast. He was quite firm about what Gilli had to do if he saw that one... Return o Frithstow and tell him, for the Questing Beast was an omen that a time of change was coming. And also, don't try to kill it... One bite from that, and you're dead.

It was after that, that Merlin took note that the moon was high in the sky. Sighing as he knew it was time Gilli went home.

"You should go. It's late, and your parents will be wondering where you are."

Gilli got to his feet, similarly reluctant.

"You're right." He glanced at the older man. "Thank you for telling me all this."

Merlin smiled, ushering the seventeen-year-old to the door.

"You're welcome. Oh, and Gilli... it would be better to keep this 'lesson' between us. I think it's too close to magic, to be approved by some of the people here."

Gillli looked back, grining as he went out the door.

"My lips are sealed."

~(-)~


	6. Admittance

And so spring came around, and the time came that Gilli made his goodbyes to everyone. As he embraced the young man in farewell, Merlin regretted for a moment that he hadn't told him about his use of magic in the woods. But the fewer people who knew, the more safe his secret was. It was bad enough that Susan knew, and even worse that he lied to her.

Indeed, he hadn't told his friend the whole truth about his past, he could risk someone finding out that he was actually Emrys.

'I was the servant of a young knight', he'd told her. 'His name was Lancelot, and he was a good friend, but sometimes he could be a real dollop head'.

Merlin had added that with a mental apology to the real Lancelot. He hadn't told Susan about Kilgharrah either. The story of the last dragon imprisoned by the late King Uther, was probably know everywhere in Albion and he couldn't risk her making the connection. But despite his misgivings about lying to her, she was still a good friend. And she displayed it in an odd way a few weeks later, when a knock at his door revealed her standing there...

And she showed him her new  _puppy._

"He's cute, isn't he?"

Susan beamed as she pressed the wriggling ball of fur into Merlin's grasp, and he eyed it while simultaneously trying to stop it licking his chin.

"Adorable... Where did you find him?"

He passed the pup back to her, whereby it resumed licking her chin instead.

"Old Billy's dog had a litter, and he though I might enjoy a companion." She giggled. "I'm going to call him 'Merlin'."

Merlin gawked at her in disbelief.

"You're giving my name to a  _dog?_  Why?"

"Because you have 'puppy dog' eyes."

"Since when?"

"When did you last look in a mirror?"

Knowing how stubborn she could be, another thing that made her remind him of Gwen, Merlin resigned himself to it with a sigh.

~(-)~

More time passed by within the village, in a mundane yet peaceful way that made him forget his former troubles, and soon came the anniversary of his and Susan's friendship. When the day came, he arrived at the meadow and was surprised to find her waiting for him. Holding something rectangular in her grasp.

He saw it and blinked in astonishment.

"Susan, you should have told me you were making me a gift! Actually, you shouldn't even have made me one. Now I feel like an idiot for not having one for you."

She smiled, chuckling.

"If I had told you, it wouldn't have been a surprise."

"But I haven't got anything for you!"

At his protest she gave him the parcel, firmly so he couldn't try to give it back.

"I didn't want a gift, but I wanted to make one for you. Now will you open it or not?"

Merlin looked at her for a moment more, before proceeding to unwrap the gift. And what he found inside left him breath-taken and just a little bit tearful.

It was a painting of Freya, so close to true and so realistic that he half expected her to start talking at any moment. He stared at it for a while, wordless, until Susan started to fidget at his silence.

She looked away, embarrassed.

"You've talked about her so much, that it was easy to picture what she was like... But if you don't like it, I can-" She didn't get the chance to continue, as he enveloped her in a tight hug. She then smiled, knowing that he loved the gift and was trying to say thanks. "You're welcome."

Strangely, the gift only served to feed the once died-down rumours about the two of them. Lyrana even told Merlin that it was a good sign.

"It means she accepts your past," she explained as she helped Merlin and Kalem hang the picture on the wall of his house. "She knows your fiancée will always have a place in your heart, but she's not jealous. She knows it's her you're in love with now."

Merlin stared at Lyrana, jaw hanging at that assumption.

"But I'm not! We're friends, nothing more!"

"If you say so."

Her expression clearly said 'you don't fool me, and once she and Kalem had left, Merlin looked at the painting.

"Freya, you believe me, don't you? I swear that Susan and I are only friends."

Soon however, he had more to worry about than what the people in Frithstow believed about his friendship with Susan. Spring came again, then summer, and Gilli hadn't returned. To his worried parents, Merlin did his best to assure them that their son would probably return next year. But in reality, he was starting to worry as well.

What if he hadn't followed his advice? What if he'd gone to Camelot? The next time he met Susan in the meadow, he told her his thoughts. And she frowned in puzzlement at his certainty in describing the dangers of the kingdom.

"Why do you worry about that? How do you know it's that bad in Camelot?"

Her earnest concern for him, and her honest confusion, added more to the guilt he felt for lying to her. So much so, that after more than a year of hiding the truth, he broke down and admitted the truth.

"...I lied to you, Susan... and to everyone in the village about who I am... My master wasn't Lancelot, and his father wasn't Lord Eldred of Northumbria. I was working for Arthur Pendragon, I was meant to guide him in bringing peace for magic and Albion... and I failed. All I brought my kin, the people of magic, is a life of slavery."

And then he told her everything. His arrival in Camelot, the dragon, the prophecy. About Arthur killing his father after learning why his mother had died, and the way things had twisted and gone wrong afterwards.

As he sobbed into her arms, Susan had to admit she knew why he'd kept this a secret. No one in the village would understand it. It they knew, it would be be beyond their comprehension that someone like Emrys would seemingly give up magic.

But not for her. Not after everything he'd told her. She understood how he'd had come to wishing that he didn't have magic.

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julie Winchester: Well I think by now that some of you might ask "What about Arthur? What's happening in Camelot?" Sorry but this story is mainly about Merlin. Don't worry though, Arthur WILL be back. I promise. And I am writing a companion fic telling what Arthur does while Merlin is in Frithstow :)


	7. What?

As the time flew by, Merlin found himself spending less and less time using magic, and more and more talking a joking with Susan. He didn't even miss it, what with enjoying her company far too much for that. Sometimes she would tell him about her life with her husband. Others he would tell her of one of his adventures with Arthur before things had turned sour.

This particular day he was telling her about the time 'Lady Catrina' had come to Camelot, and Uther had married her.

Susan gawked as he explained what the lady had actually turned out to be, incredulous.

"You mean he actually married a  _troll?_ "

Merlin grinned at her with wry humour.

"Yes, and from what Arthur told me I think the marriage was... consumated." Sat on the log beside him, Susan burst into laughter. It changed his smile from one of humour, to one of happiness. "You know, in the two years of our friendship, this is the first time I've really seen you laugh. I mean, you've giggled a few times, usually with your dog, but never heartfelt laughter like that."

Susan quietened a little, sighing.

"It's the first time since my husband died." She looked at him. "It's thanks to you, Merlin.

He smiled.

"Hey, that's what friends are for, right?"

A kiss of thanks on his cheek was the answer.

As the two of them walked back to the village, Merlin had to admit that things could hardly have been better for him than now. Telling Susan the truth a few months ago, about his past, had relieved him of a great burden. Yet, as he was about to discover, more trouble of another kind awaited him.

Indeed, for the townspeople apparently thought he and Susan had spent enough time grieving. When they arrived back at Frithstow, and he'd bid her farewell and watched her walk away, Kalem approached him with a knowing look.

"Is there something you want to tell me, Merlin?"

Merlin pretended not to catch that implication, remaining offhand.

"I made her laugh, properly, for the first time today."

Kalem raised an eyebrow.

"Well I'll take that as a good sign. You've heard that saying from France, right? 'Femme qui rit-'."

Merlin interupted him with a scowl.

"Shut up, Kal, you know it's nothing like that. We're friends, nothing more."

"That may be so, but it's not the opinion of the entire village."

Merlin gaped at him.

"What?"

Kalem regarded him, serious.

"There are rumours, Merlin, and some of them are getting nasty."

"What do you mean by 'nasty'?"

The village leader sighed, frowning.

"Think, Merlin. A man and a woman, alone in the woods every week." Merlin winced, and Kalem continued. "There's more. You're sort of stopping each other from moving on with your lives."

" _What?_ "

Merlin's tone was offended this time, but Kalem remained serious.

"Well, just imaging if she re-married. Do you really think her husband won't mind his wife spending so much time along with you? The same goes for your wife, if you ever re-marry."

Those words haunted Merlin in the following days, so much so that he confided in Susan during their next visit to the forest. When he did, she looked at the ground and sighed.

"Maybe they're right. Maybe I should stop spending so much time with you, and get to know some of the other men."

Merlin stared at her, surprised.

"What? But you never mentioned finding love again, before."

She sighed again.

"Look, I'm already twenty-seven and I've always wanted children. Abel wished to wait a few years, and I was okay with that because we were young and we had time. Then the accident happened, and it clearly wasn't on my mind anymore. Then after that, he died, and for a while I thought I'd never get over it... But I did, thanks to you. And now I feel like I could have it again, you know?"

Merlin looked away, awkward.

"Well... I think it's good that you're ready to love again, but you shouldn't rush into anything because you want to be a mother. Take your time, and make sure you choose and good man."

She smiled at him, grateful for his support.

"Thank you."

~(-)~

When Merlin got back home, he started to pace in his living room. He didn't want to lose Susan, but he couldn't stop her from living her life either. He couldn't and he wouldn't, so what other options did that leave him?

"Maybe I should do the same. Maybe I should try to meet someone." He pausing his his musings, to look at the painting of Freya. "I will always love you, but you're dead and I'm not. I can't remain single for the rest of my life just for you, and I know you wouldn't want me to. It's time for me to move on."

He headed for his bed and lay down, closing his eyes and slowing drifting into fitful slumber. Haunted by dreams of what had been...

Himself and Arthur, years before. Covered in gaja berries and dirt, and talking about Gwen.

_"They do say that love makes you do strange things." "Even a blind man could see it. Why don't you just admit it?"_

_"I can't!"_

Lyanna talking about Susan.

 _"...It's her you're in love with..._ "

Kalem, just a few hours ago.

_"Is there something you want to tell me, Merlin?"_

And then dreams of what could come to pass...

Susan in a beautiful gown, standing with a faceless man while Kalem performed the rites of marriage between them...

Susan holding another man's child in her arms...

Himself, ageing along in his house while she had children and grandchildren...

Standing and watching from afar, as another man knelt on her grave...

Susan licking his face... Wait...  _What?_

Merlin opened his eyes, blinking to find his canine namesake washing his face with enthusiasm.

"Eww, Merlin! Get away from me!" He heard laughter as he waved the dog off his bed, and looked to the door to see Susan stood there in fits of giggles at his expense. And seeing her, he wondered how he'd never noticed before how beautiful she was. "And you think this is funny?"

Still laughing, she nodded.

"You should have seen you face. It was hillarious."

He continued to stare, unable to deny the joy her smile brought him. She had wonderful laughter too... Oh how he loved her.

Her face froze in an expression of shock. " _What?_ "

In that horrified instant, Merlin realised that he'd said that out loud. As she started to shake her head in denial and dashed out of the house with the dog at her heels. And watching her go, Merlin put his head in his hands in defeat.

Susan ran all the way home, a hundred thoughts whirling in her head. Merlin had just said he loved her, though judging from his face he hadn't intended to say that out loud.

He was in love with her? Why did this happen? They had a nice  _platonic_  friendship that they both enjoyed. Why did he have to go and spoil it by falling in love with her?

But a more importance question was, did she love him in return? Unfortunately she didn't know the anser. She cared about him as a friend, but did it go deeper than that?

As she sat in her house, thinking as the sun continued to set, Merlin the dog came and put his head on her knees. Letting her absentmindedly scratch his ears, sighing. What was she going to do now?"

~(-)~

Merlin hadn't moved when Kalem came knocking on his door at nightfall. He didn't even move when the village leader knocked again.

"Merlin, I know you're in here. If you don't open the door, I'll just come in anyway." There was still no answer, and frowning Kalem pushed the door open. It wasn't like Merlin to ignore him. "You know, if you don't want to see me, you could at least-" He stopped when he saw Merlin with his head still in his hands. "Is something wrong?"

The voice that finally answered, was muted.

"Yeah... I told Susan I loved her."

Kalem blinked in surprise.

"Took you long enough! What happened?"

"She ran out the door without a word." Merlin sighed, cursing himself. "I just ruined two years of friendship by thinking out loud."

Kalem winced in sympathy, and came to sit beside Merlin in silent support.

Soon the whole village knew that the woodcutter's widow and the new carpenter didn't talk to each other any more. Merlin was miserable. He tried a few times to go talk to Susan, but she didn't answer the door. Finally, after some time, he gave up and stopped trying.

When the usual day came to go to the woods, he hesitated to go there alone. But then he decided that not going there would only feed the rumours. And so after a long and forlorn look at Susan's house, he walked off into the forest.

Once in the meadow, he tried to do a little magic to cheer himself up; but without Susan watching it wasn't the same. In the end he just sighed and lay down on the grass to watch the sky. He didn't want to lose his friend. If she didn't share his feelings, then he would just be her friend. But he couldn't  _not_  have her in his life.

~(-)~

In the meantime, Susan was still unable to decide if she wanted more than friendship from. What if that ruined their friendship?

She jumped when someone knocked on the door, although after a moment she knew it couldn't be Merlin since she'd watched him leave for the woods. Intrigued, she went to see who it was, and to her surprise the visitors turned out to be Kalem and Lyanna.

The village leader nodded to her.

"Can we talk to you?"

Susan hesitated, before stepping back to allow them through the door.

"Um, yes. Come in."

Kalem waited until all of them were sat, before glancing at his wife and speaking with only a small lie.

"Look, I don't know what happened between you and Merlin, but you must stop ignoring him."

"He said he  _loved_  me. What am I supposed to do in response to that?"

Susan's tone was sharp, the mark of her having spent so long trying to answer that for herself. It was Lyanna who made the obvious answer.

"Well, telling him you love him as well would be a good start."

Susan scowled, getting annoyed at being told what to do.

"What if I don't love him?" That earned a pair of disbelieving looks, and she sighed. "I don't want our relationship, our friendship, to change."

Kalem brought a hand to his face in resignation. This was like trying to talk sense into a wall.

"It's going to change anyway."

"What?"

He looked at her again.

"You told Lyanna you were ready to find love again. So imagine yourself in the future. Say, two years from now. You have a husband and you're starting a family. As I asked Merlin, do you think your husband would be pleased to see you spending time along in the woods with another man?"

Susan remained quiet, knowing that Kalem was right. If Abel had spent a long time alone with another woman, she wouldn't have been happy about it.

Seeing that the first point had hit home, Lyanna spoke next.

"Another question, and we'll leave you alone... Can you imagine yourself with anyone else than Merlin?" When Susan didn't answer, Lyanna rose to her feet. "We'll leave you to think about it."

When they'd left, Susan realised that they were right. She didn't want Merlin out of her life. She was going to tell him that she wasn't sure of her feelings, but that she didn't want to stop seeing him. He was a good man, and she knew he would understand.

It was a short while later that she heard joyful barking, and her heart leapt at the sound. Merlin the dog only greeted one person like that... his namesake.

Susan lurched to her feet and hurried to the door, opening it before just as quickly slamming it shut at the scene before her...

Merlin was smiling and listening to a girl outside the garden gate. A girl who was obviously set on trying to charm him... And it was with tears in her eyes that Susan retreated back to her chair, aware that the pain she was feeling could only mean that she  _was_  in love with Merlin...

And because she'd been too stupid to see it, she was losing him to someone else...

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Julie Winchester: I have a feeling that right now some of you may want to hit/scream at/maim me. But if you remember, I never said 'no romance', just no 'love at first sight'. I actually laughed when writing this chapter, because I anticipated the reactions.
> 
> For those of you that saw it coming, congratulations! You were right! For those of you who didn't... FOOLED YOU!
> 
> As for the French saying that Kalem mentioned, it's "Femme qui rit, à moitié dans ton lit." Translated it reads "Woman who laughs, halfway to your bed"... You get the drift. But to any of you who are guys, I wouldn't bet your money on it. Humour isn't enough! :P
> 
> As for the chapter's title... There are six "What?"s in the chapter. Can you find them all? :)


	8. Accepting Love

Chapter 8: Accepting Love

When he came back from the meadow, Merlin was determined to talk to Susan. He needed it, because otherwise the way things were now was going to keep making him miserable... And he was sure, make her feel miserable as well. Their friendship had been left on hold, the company they'd cherished now out of reach. Something had to be done.

Those thoughts churned through his mind as he headed for her house, distracting him to the point he nearly jumped in surprise when a voice called out as he reached the garden gate.

It was a young girl, no more than fifteen years old, and she eyed him shyly when she reached him.

"Hi, Merlin..."

There was a moment of awkward silence, as he released the gate-latch and faced the youth with his eyebrows raised.

"You wanted to tell me something?"

The girl flushed, looking at the ground.

"Well I... I heard you and Miss Susan had a fight, and..."

It was Merlin's turn to flush, although nowhere near as much, when he realised the girl  _liked_  him. To cover his reaction, he cleared his throat as spoke as if he'd not noticed.

"It's nice if you to want to help, but this is between me and her."

The girl raised her head.

"You don't remember me, do you? I guess it's normal, I was just a child then... I'm Sandra. You danced with me when Lily and Mark got married four years ago."

Merlin blinked, rememebering now, and smiled.

"You seemed to have more freckles back then, and your hair was in braids."

She returned the smile.

"I stopped wearing braids a year ago... My mother says I'm one of the prettiest girls in the village, and I'm old enough to be married now."

Merlin wanted to cringe, knowing he couldn't pretend not to have noticed now. But at the same time, he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Look, Rebecca. I'm sure you're a very nice girl, and I'm flattered by your interest in me, but I already love someone else. I have no doubt that you will make a man really happy someday, but that man isn't me."

Sandra looked at him for a moment, before sighing.

"I understand, it's alright. Thank you for being honest."

He smiled gently, and placed a chaste kiss of farewell on her cheek before she walked away. He then proceeded up to Susan's door, and as expected she didn't answer when he knocked.

Well he wasn't going anywhere this time, not until she did. He knocked again, and called out.

"Susan? It's me, Merlin. Please answer the door."

Inside the house, Susan was torn between her own sense of failure and a feeling of anger. He had some nerve, coming to the door after _flirting_  with that other girl.

"Go away!"

Merlin knocked a third time, more insistent.

"I'm not leaving until you talk to me, Susan. Properly."

It said something for his manners that he didn't just walk in. After all, the door wasn't locked. But still, she relented and walked over to it, opening it wide and standing there.

"What do you want?"

He looked at her, a kind of pleading hope in his eyes.

"Like I said, I want to talk. Can I come in?"

Her eyes narrowed.

"Why don't you go talk to your new friend? That blond girl I just saw you flirting with."

Merlin gaped, staring at her.

"What? Sandra?  _Flirting?_ " He started to shake his head. "She's the one who was flirting! And besides, I told her I wasn't interested... You already know my heart belongs to another."

Susan's eyes were still narrowed, as she stepped aside.

"Come in." She waited until he'd sat down before continuing. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

There was a flicker of hurt in his expression at the way she'd spoken, but his voice remained calm as he spoke. Even if he couldn't bring himself to meet her gaze as he did so.

"I miss you. The woods, our meadow, it's not the same without you... I love you. But if being nothing more than friends is the price to have you in my life, then I'll settle for that. I just can't  _not_  have you in my life."

Susan remained motionless at those words. Having gone from feeling like her hesitation had cost her his love, to having him declare that he'd put himself through the pain of not having hers if that was what it took to keep her in his life.

She didn't hesitate again, and before he got the chance to add anything else he was startled to find she'd flung her arms around him and pressed her lips against his.

After a startled moment he kissed her in return, and when they at last parted to catch their breaths she spoke.

"...I love you too. It just took me a while to realise it." She chuckled. "I have the feeling we're going to be teased mercilessly about this as soon as everyone finds out."

Merlin laughed, too elated to be embarrassed.

"Yeah, well we deserve it after all. We were the last ones to realise we loved each other."

The following day it was just as they'd expected, with seemingly everyone making a humourous remark about 'last ones to know' and 'about time you saw it'. But of course, Kalem's comment was the worst tease of them all.

"Tell me, Merlin. Should I be worried? Because if that's how you act when you're 'just friends' with someone... I'm not sure I should be friends with you."

A few minutes later saw a laughing Kalem, being chased through the village by a carpenter with a bucket of water.

Merlin and Susan didn't give up on their weekly meeting in the meadow, although to prevent further rumours they asked if anyone would like to come as a chaperone. It had been a while since they'd goen there for magic anyway, leaving them with nothing to hide. But no one took them up on the offer, which meant the villagers trusted the pair to keep things proprietry.

For Merlin, the next year was happier than any other he could remember. His life was truly perfect in his opinion, and he felt at peace with himself at long last. And when the aniversary of their first year as a couple came close, he planned something.

He spent weeks decorating the meadow, hiding everything with a spell so that Susan wouldn't see them during the weekly visits. And when the day finally came, he went through the few possessions he'd brought with him from Camelot and pocketed something very special.

Susan was waiting for him at her gate when he arrived, following him to the woods' edge where he startled her by whipping a blindfold over her eyes. She then began to giggle, knowing he had something planned, and let him lead her to the meadow. Smiling beneath her blindfold when they finally stopped.

"Can I take this off yet?"

She heard him laugh.

"Not just yet...  _Aitie, onbearne._ "

After his murmured spell, she felt him untie the blindfold. And when it fell away from her eyes, it revealed dozens upon dozens of lit candles floating all around the meadow. Against a backdrops of garlands of leaves and flowers that must have taken hours to make even  _if_  he'd used magic to help.

She gasped in wonder.

"Oh, Merlin. It's beautiful."

She turned to face him, only to find he had dropped to one knee as he held out a ring.

"Susan, I've never been happier than this last year with you. I love you, and always will... Will you marry me?"

Tears of joy welled up in her eyes, her whispered reply mirroring that happiness.

"Yes. Of course I will!" His smile was like a sunrise as he slipped the ring onto her finger, at which point she looked at it closely. "Where did you get this? And how did you manage to do all this without me noticing?"

He rose to his feet, putting his arm around her shoulders as he smiled as if it were some secret.

"Didn't you know? I have magic." He sighed, still smiling. "As for the ring, my mother gave it to me when I first left for Camelot. It belonged to her mother, she told me, and I was to give it to my special someone when I found them."

Susan hugged him tight, touched deeply by the gesture, and happier than she'd ever through she'd get to be again.

"It's beautiful. I just hope I get to meet her someday."

Merlin rest his head on the top of hers, sighing softly.

"Yeah... Maybe someday."

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only a few more chapters before Dark!Arthur. As it is, we're getting closer to angst-filled chapters...


	9. Marriage, Support, and Sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> Miscarriage, and stillborn child. Don't read if you're sensitive to that.

And so it was almost five years to the day after his arrival in Frithstow, when the villagers stood as cheering witnesses to the marriage of Merlin and Susan as their union was blessed by Kalem.

Merlin chose to move into Susan's home, with his own house and workshop becoming a shop to display his works. Soon the skills of Frithstow's resident caprenter, even if his name was never mentioned, were well known in the other small towns in the region. Several merchants in the area began bringing him commissions, meaning his earnings were more than enough to support he and susan comfortably even if she wasn't doing work of her own.

It was six months later though, when his wife brought a comission of her own

She leaned in behind him as he worked on a set of drawers, smiling.

"You may want to start working on a cradle."

Merlin had raised his eyebrows a little, his back still to her as he responded absently.

"Why? Is someone in the village expecting a baby?"

Susan giggled as how dense he could be when he was concentrating on his work, and bent down to whisper in his ear. The response was that he prompty dropped his mallet on his foot, too stunned to even notice as he turned his head and stared at her.

"Really?"

Her wide smile and nod had him leaping to his feet and whooping as he picked her up and carried her out of the workshop. The entire village knowing the joyous news before the pair had even made it back to their house.

But it seemed it just wasn't to be, as just a few short weeks later he held Susan in his arms for a far different reason. As she cried her heart out after miscarrying their child. The infant had been too young to know if they were a boy or a girl, meaning they chose for it a name that would work for either; Angel.

Once again the villagers gathered with the couple, this time to join them in mourning at the funeral. The support helped, but Susan was still left feeling numb. As if this were some nightmare from which she couldn't wake.

It was a grief both of them carried through the winter and into the next year, until summer came and with it some  _good_  news.

Gilli returned, after four years away and at a point when many in the village had given up the idea of ever seeing him again. The young man's parents were elated to see him, and the entire village turned out to welcome him home.

When Merlin finally got his turn to approach him through the revellers, he eveloped Gilli in a hug of welcome and a wry smile.

"So you've decided to give up magic, then?

Gilli returned the smile, experience he'd not had when he left here, clear to see in his eyes.

"Yeah. I liked using it, but I missed you all too much. I've been to a lot of places, though. I'll tell you all about it."

Susan came over, sliding under Merlin's arm with now accustomed ease.

"Well you could come have dinner with us. We'd love to hear about your adventures."

"We?" Gilli looked confused, until he noticed the arm around Susan's shoulders and the way the pair stood together. "I thought the two of you were just friends?"

Moment's later everyone within earshot burst out laughing, and again he looked puzzled. "Did I say something funny?"

It was two weeks after Gilli's return, that Susan found out she was once again expecting. This time, to reduce the risks of another miscarriage, the village physician instructed her to spend much of her time resting in bed.

Merlin resumed working on the cradle, which he'd not completed before the previous tragic loss. Refusing to listen to Susan's warnings not to get his hopes up. That if she'd been told to stay in bed, then the chance of losing this child as well was high.

Lyanna came to visit every day and keep Susan company while Merlin worked. And it was on one such morning that she broached the topic she'd avoided up until now.

"So what would you like? A boy or a girl?"

Susan glanced at her friend, in one of the rare moments she left her bed to get a drink of water or some food.

"I'd like a healthy baby. I'm not really thinking about if they'll be a boy or a girl."

Lyanna gently patted Susan's hand, when the woman settled herself beneath the blankets once again.

"I'm sure he or she will be really strong. Before you know it, you'll be getting woken up in the middle of the night to take care of your child."

Susan sighed, wistful.

"I hope you're right."

"Did you pick a name yet?"

Lyanna expression was curious, now that she knew this subject wasn't going to upset her friend, and Susan answered willingly.

"Well I haven't told Merlin yet, but if it's a girl I want to call her Gwen. That's the name of a good friend of his, back where he lived before he came here."

Lyanna smiled at that.

"And if it's a boy?"

"We aggreed on Matthew for a boy."

~(-)~

It was the fifth month into the pregnancy before Susan allowed herself to believe the baby was healthy, when she felt them move and she and Merlin began to make plans for when the child would arrive.

The greatest worry for Merlin was if the events of his own birth would be repeated. His mother had told him any number of stories about things that had happened around him within days of him being born.

"We have to think about what we will do if our child has magic. If they're anything like I was, we'll have furniture rearranging itself and bowls flying across the room within weeks."

Susan smiled, imagining the handful he must have been for his mother.

"Well you're the most powerful warlock of all times, aren't you? I'm sure if our child  _does_  something, you can undo it."

Merlin glanced at her, sombre.

"I could, except I'm not supposed to use magic in Frithstow. Out in the woods I could hide it, but here in the middle of the village there's no way I'd go undetected."

"You managed when you lived in Camelot, all those years you protected Arthur without anyone knowing."

Her husband sighed, explaining the difference.

"During that time in Camelot, the only other person in the city who could sense a spell was Gaius. Here, almost half of the popupation of Frithstow has that ability. So unless you want us to be expellled from the village with a small child in tow, we'd better find a way to do what my mother did. Raise a magical child  _without_  using magic."

It became a topic of humoured debate over the remaining months of the pregancy, until the day, or rather  _night_  came when he found himself having his hand crushed by his wife in the midst of her bringing their child into the world.

He winced as she kept the pressure on his fingers, thinking that at this rate he'd not be able to hold a hammer or carving knife for a week.

"Sweetheart, I think you're breaking my hand."

She glared at him, speaking throgh clenched teeth.

"I don't care! This is all your fault; your fault that I spent the last nine months in bed. Your fault that I look like I swallowed a melon whole... _And it's your fault I'm in so much pain right now!_ " She stifled a scream as another contraction hit her. "So I'm going to squeeze your hand as much as I want to, and you are  _not_  going to complain even if I  _do_  break your hand! Understood?"

He gave her a wtry smile, still wincing.

"Yes, love."

He was starting to regret his refusal to leave the room despite the doctor's insistence, but he still wanted to be here for Susan. But his regret was soon for another reason, a reason that turned everything to grief and a deep-seated anger.

Merlin fled the house and went to his workshop, leaving behind Susan who sat in the bed wailing as she rocked their stillborn son in her arms. When he reacched it, he stood in the middle of the room and screamed out in sorrow at whatever might be listening.

" _Why? What have we done to you, that we don't deserve any happiness? It one child, one_ _ **living**_ _child so much to ask?_ "

When no answer came, Merlin flung one of his carvings at the wall. His namesake sat outside howling in response to his master's grief. The noise woke up everyone within earshot, which was most of the villager, and it didn't take long for Kalem to arrive after stopping by the house to confirm the terrible news.

The village leader remained silent, wanting to offer words of support but understanding that they would not be welcome right now, and was soon joiined by Gilli. But it didn't take long before merely thowing things by hand was enough to express his despair, as Merlin began throwing things without even touching them, and shattering others with a gesture as his magic raged along with his emotions.

Kelem, and anyone else who could sense this magical rampage, ignored it. Now was not the time to talk about or enforce the village rules, not against a man so torn up with pain as Merlin was...

Matthew was burried next to his sibling, once again with everyone from the village showing support. As soon as the funeral was over though, his parents went back to their house without a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid the angst is only going to continue from this point on...


	10. Overcoming Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Susan deal with the loss of their child. Warnings for grief and angst.

Susan locked herself in the bedroom, before Merlin returned to his workshop to clear up the mess he'd made the night before. Once again Kalem and Gilli came, and this time the village leader spoke as he watched spliters of wood being swept up.

"I know this is hard for you, Merlin. Just remember that we're all here for you."

Merlin paused in his sweeping, expression bleak as he stared into a distance that wasn't there.

"This is my fault."

Kalem gaped at that, taking a step forward even as his son did likewise.

"Of course not! How could this be your fault?"

"There was nothing you could have done. There was nothing anyone could have done."

Merlin's expression of grief only deepened, and he shook his head. Part of him had to wonder, if what was happening now was because he'd abandoned his destiny. Was this magic's way of punishing him for giving up on Arthur?

"You wouldn't understand... There's things in my past, things I did and things  _failed_  to do, that could come back to haunt me in this way. I just have no way of knowing if that's the case, or it's just bad luck... It's easier to think of it being punishment. It's easier to think that losing _two_  children before they've even come into the world, isn't because of random chance."

It became clear then that nothing his friends would say could change his mind about that, but soon his had more than his own culpability to worry about.

Susan spend her days in the nursery, not speaking a word as she hummed a lullaby. She wouldn't cry or move, just sitting and singing to a baby that wasn't there. At first Merlin thought it was her way to deal with Matthew;s death, but when Susan showed no signs of improvement a month later he decided he had to do something.

He waited until night, the one time she'd leave the nursery and come to bed to sleep. Letting her get comfortable beside him before he spoke.

"This has gone on ling enough, Susan. You barely eat or sleep, and you won't talk to me or anyone else. All you do all day is sit by the crib and sing that lullaby... Matthew is dead, Susan. I grieve for him as much as you do, but shutting out the world won't bring him back. Nothing can bring him back."

In the silence that followed, it seemed as if she would still refuse to speak. Until words that shocked him whispered past her lips.

"You could... That time you killed Nimueh and brought your mentor back to life. You could do it again." Her depressed expression became a mask of sorrow and anger. "You could bring our son back to life!  _You did it for Gaius, so you can do it for my baby!_ "

She was pounding at his chest with a fist, forcing him to grab her hands to stop her. His voice full of pain at what he knew could never be.

"And who shall I kill? Who would you make me take the life from, to balance Matthew's ressurection? Assuming I had a choice, which isn't even certain. Who would you want me to sacrifice so that our child lives? Old Billy, who gave you our dog? Another one of the older villagers? Who's life shall I take to appease your grief? You have no idea what you're asking me. You have no idea what it's like to feel the life leaving someone and know that you're the one responsible! ...I will not  _murder_  someone to bring our son, no matter how much a part of me might want to! I can't build our family on a foundation made from someone else's death, and grief it would cause  _their_  family!"

Realising he'd begun shouting at her, Merlin took a deep breath to calm himself. While in his arms, Susan was now sobbing in regret. Clinging to him.

"It hurts so much... I just wanted my baby back. I wanted him to be alive."

That night marked a new start for them, and while their grief remained they were at last able to move on. A few months later, Gilli returned from a short trip to seek a new blacksmith. He'd volunteered to go, as the current one in the village was getting too old for the job and would soon retire.

Merlin was working on making an armchair when his friend entered the workshop, and he noted that Gilli looked a bit down.

"Any luck on finding a blacksmith?"

The young man shook his head.

"Not yet, but I'm not giving up. That's not what I wanted to talk to you about though." He glanced out the door, as if concerned that his words might frighten others in the village if they heard them. "While I was in a town, I stopped in a tavern and heard two men talking. Apparently they were from Camelot, and looking for someone named 'Emrys'." Merlin twitched, visibly going rigid, and Gilli frowned. "Is something wrong? I know the thought of Camelot snooping around so close to Frithstow can make anyone nervous, but I don't think they'll come here."

Merlin suppressed a shudder, and shook his head.

"No, I'm fine. Please continue."

Gilli nodded, and resumed his story.

"Well they were talking about this Emrys fellow, saying they'd been looking for him for ten years. Seems to me they should have given up by now."

Merlin casually resumed work on the chair, hoping his friend wouldn't do the maths regarding himself and that timeframe.

"They must have a stubborn ass for a master."

"Merlin?"

"Yes?"

"...You've been here eight years, and told me you'd travelled around for two years before that. That's ten years."

Still keeping his back to the youth, Merlin shrugged to hide the ice in the pit of his stomach.

"Have I now? I didn't realise it ha been that long. Time really does fly..."

Gilli walked over and nudged him, getting Merlin to look at him before raising his eyebrows.

"Do I look like a fool, Merlin?"

In the pause that followed, Merlin considered his options, and knew that he couldn't lie about it anymore. Not to Gilli.

He sighed.

"No, you don't... Alright, so you know. Yes, I'm the one they're looking for, but it's too dangerous to talk about it here. Come eat with Susan and I tonight, and I'll tell you everything."

Evening drew in, coming sooner than Merlin would have hoped as he and Susan prepared for Gilli's arrival. He'd told her, or course, and she understood his nerves. But at the same time she knew, as he did, that the yougn man would not spread word of what was going to be explained to him.

When the time came, the meal progressed with chat about recent happenings in the village. But once it was over and the plates cleared away, Gilli looked at Merlin and raised his eyebrows once again.

"So... Emrys, then?"

Merlin leaned back in his chair, nodding.

"Some people call me that, mainly the Druids."

"And the King of Albion."

Merlin winced.

"Arthur... It's been a long time since I heard anything about him. I've avoided it for as long as I can, it seems."

Gilli frowned a little.

"What, so you're on a first-name basis with the King? How did that happen?"

Merlin's expression darkened with guilt.

"It's a very long story, and one best summarised as this... There was a prophesy about Emrys and the Once and Future King; me and Arthur. I was born to be his protector and guide, and the most powerful sorcerer to ever life, while he was born to be the one to return magic to the land and bring about a golden age of peace, prosperity, and understanding... But I failed... Uther didn't die at the hands of a vengeful sympathiser of magic; Arthur murdered him.

"He seemed all right at first, as he accepted my magic and made it legal to use again. But my joy at that blinded me to the way that act had poisoned him inside. I failed to see that it was destroying the just and kind man he was, and turning him into a tyrant. And when he enslaved the magical community... I, the person who should have stopped him and defended them, walked away. I  _abandoned_  the people who put so much faith in me." He grimaced, bitter and guilty. "I wandered for a while, and then ended up here. The rest, you know."

By the end of it, Gilli looked speechless, but recovered enough to ask a question.

"So did you actually stop using magic?"

Merlin had the grace to look a bit embarrassed.

"At first, yes, for a year after coming here. I started going out into the woods after that, where I could use it and deal with the tempation of having fun with it, without being caught. I stopped again, completely this time, when I married Susan."

Gilli looked a bit confused.

"But you didn't go  _that_  far into the woods. Even out there, someone should have sensed you using magic."

Merlin smiled wryly.

"Ah, but then I  _am_  the most powerful sorcerer alive, and I knew and used a spell to stop anyone from sensing my magic. It wouldn't work in the middle of the village, but out in the woods was far enough." He raised a hand. "And before you tell me off, for not telling you about this before you went away for four years to use magic and explore Albion, you were only a teenager back then and less mature than you are now."

It was now that Susan finally joined in, her expression concerned.

"Gilli, you have to keep Merlin's secret. We could be expelled from the village if you don't. And, as you saw, the King is still looking for him. It's already a miracle that none of the Knights have come looking here in all this time."

The young man smiled, and nodded.

"I promise not to tell anyone. You have my word."

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are picking up again now, and Gilli has learnt who Merlin is... Don't think the angst is over though. There are still eight chapters left.


	11. L'Or des Gobelins ~Partie 3~

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As time goes by, Merlin's past comes knocking. Repeatedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for Merlin to be reminded of what he left behind all those years ago...

It was some time later that Gilli finally found and brought back a new blacksmith, the entire village turning out to welcome the newcomer to Frithstow. For most it was a time of smiles and welcoming laughter, but for Merlin it was a moment of puzzled recognition.

Because the new blacksmith had the same dark skin, as a certain deceased blacksmith from Camelot and his maidservant daughter. The man even resembled Tom and Gwen to the point that Merlin felt compelled to ask when a quiet moment at last came.

The man was Elyan, brother of Guinevere and son of Thomas. Learning that there was someone in Frithstow that knew his sister, seemed to make Elyan even happier with his choice to settle there. Even if Merlin refused to open up and talk about the days when he'd been in Camelot, for no other reason than to make sure word of his past didn't spread round the local gossip. But the whole situation was still enough to make Merlin wonder if the coincidence of having him here was some big joke being played on him by the world.

More time passed by, and Merlin once again began to forget his doubts. But as the tenth anniversary of his arrival approached, he received another surprise. Even if that surprise was welcome in some ways and unwelcome in others.

Two Knights of Camelot rode into Frithstow, setting the entire village on edge, but one of them was very familiar.

It was Lancelot, a man he knew without doubt would never reveal where he was to Arthur.

Merlin kept out of sight, waiting for Lancelot to move away from his fellow knight. Only then did he he clear his throat loud enough to get his attention.

Lancelot turned to face the noise, and stared at the warlock who was rather different than he remembered. But two things were the same, his smile and those ridiculously protruding ears.

"Merlin?"

The warlock grinned and waved him over to his hiding place, pulling him into a hug of welcome. It had been a long time since the two friends had last been in each other's presence.

"How long has it been?"

Lancelot let go of Merlin and took a step back, sighing.

"Twelve years and counting." He looked around at the village. "What are you doing here, Merlin?"

"I live here, and have for ten years." Merlin grimaced, knowing his life here was now at risk. "I think I can guess why you're here. I can't let your friend see me, unless you plan on lying to him that 'Emrys' isn't here. And I can't let you take any of the villagers either. I'll wipe both your memories of this place if I have to."

Lancelot raised his hands in protest.

"I don't deny we're out looking for sorcerers to bring back to Arthur, and I don't deny he has a particularly high reward set aside for anyone who can bring him you, alive." He frowned. "But give me more credit than that, Merlin. You're my friend, you had a good reason for leaving Camelot, and Arthur refuses to accept that he is that reason. As for Sir Percival, you can trust him. He and I go back a ways, and he agrees with my stand on who we will and won't drag back to Camelot. We leave sorcerers who want to be left alone, alone, and take back the ones that are causing trouble. That way we're keeping the King happy, but also keeping our consciences clear."

Merlin relaxed a little, letting out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"Well everyone who lives here is someone who wants to be left alone to live their lives. The village has a rule against using any magic, ever... But I think if it came down to my using mine to prevent Arthur finding out about this place, no one would object." He glanced at Lancelot. "But if you're vouching for Percival, I'll trust your judgement. The two of you can stay at mine and Susan's house for the night. I'm not sure Lyanna, who runs the village inn, would be comfortable having two Knights of Camelot staying at her home... Then again, I'm not sure my wife will like it either."

Lancelot's smile returned, as he led the two of them out into the open and over to where Percival now stood with the horses.

"You've no idea how much I've missed your honest wit. Camelot has become a dark place without you to brighten it."

Merlin's expression immediately became a frown, making Lancelot aware that he'd crossed an unspoken line with that remark. The knight took the hint and said nothing more of it, instead introducing Merlin to Percival before the carpenter led them across a village whose people watched with nervous tension.

When they arrived at his home and he opened the door, he kept them standing on the threshold as he waved his wife over. Susan's eyes widening in fear at the sight of the unmistakable scarlet cloaks, before Merlin pulled her close to reassure her.

"It's fine, Susan... They are and aren't here to find sorcerers and/or me. This is Lancelot; remember me telling you about him? And this is his friend, Sir Percival. They'll both conveniently 'forget' this place, as a plain farming village, once they head on their way tomorrow."

She looked at her husband, frowning.

"You mean you used..."

Lancelot interrupted during the following pause, answering before Merlin had the chance to.

"No, it means we will 'forget' by our own choice. Merlin is too good a friend for me to ever betray him, and Percival agrees with me that King Arthur has gone too far on many things. We'll report this place as being so typical that it's barely worthy of note. So long as those who live here remain careful, you need not fear a more thorough search being made here."

Merlin snorted.

"Not that they'd find much. There's not a scrap of any magical tool or book anywhere in Frithstow. We live and work as plain as we look."

There was another pause, much longer this time, before Susan realised that Merlin was leaving it to her to make the final decision on if the pair of swordsmen could come in or not. She then stepped aside to let them in, and pointed to the chairs near the hearth.

"Come in, sit. I'll make us all something to eat."

The two knights came in, as Lancelot glanced at Merlin.

"I will admit I never expected to find you married. I'm glad you've found happiness here."

Merlin sighed, sitting down even as they too settled onto chairs.

"I am too, even if it seems like my past is determined to catch up with me." He saw the look of query that Lancelot was giving him, and answered. "Our new blacksmith, Elyan, is Gwen's brother." Merlin became thoughtful. "How is she? Is she why you've stayed in service to Camelot, despite not agreeing with what Arthur has been doing?"

The knight sighed, solemn.

"I had hoped to win back her heart, but she has too many concerns of her own to notice me in that way. I can only hope that things will become better within Camelot soon, and that I will get my chance. Until then, I must be patient."

Merlin reached out and patted Lancelot on the arm.

"I'm sure you'll get your chance eventually... I'm glad you're here, Lancelot. It feels good to talk to you again."

"I agree. I think we both needed it."

In the kitchen area, Susan noted the camaraderie and trust between Merlin and Lancelot. She could see in him the honourable man Merlin had described in his stories, even as she felt troubled by the thoughts that her husband's remark may be true... Merlin's past was starting to catch up with him, and there was no way of telling when of it it would stop.

The following morning, after she and Merlin had seen the two knights on their way, she made her way to the village cemetery. It had been a few days since she'd visited the graves of their children, and now she felt compelled as her troubled thoughts lingered over last night and also the secret she'd been keeping from Merlin.

Susan sighed as she knelt by the graves, laying a hand each upon their markers.

"Hello, my darlings. Your father is busy right now, but he sends his love, and we still miss both of you... Angel, you would be four and so big now. And you, Matthew, you would be two and probably running everywhere doing mischief." She paused, feeling guilty. "I haven't told your father yet, but I'm carrying your little brother or sister. The village physician says that everything seems find, and that your sibling is doing well. But I don't want to worry your father. I'll tell him I think he's ready."

But Merlin was far from stupid though, however distracted and concerned he was about the sighs of his past. He knew his wife was hiding something from him, and was still thinking about it when he heard someone calling his name... in his mind, insistently.

He ignored it, blanking it out as he'd been doing with so many things from his past. He was still ignoring it a week later, when Susan's anxious fidgeting woke him up in the middle of the night.

When he asked her what was wrong, she turned coy before finally whispering something in his ear. Something that had him become very much awake and very happy. Another chance for a child, and the signs were good that this time would be different. The two of them were still snuggled close together discussing names, when the voice intruded once again upon Merlin's mind.

'Merlin...'

Merlin scowled inwardly, gritting his teeth, before reaching out with his mind and throwing a spear of thought at the source of the calling.

'Not now! Go away!'

There was only a rumbling chuckle in response, but Merlin knew that the time for ignoring this was over. He would get no peace until he went out to the woods to see what he wanted... The Great Dragon.

Merlin waited until Susan had fallen asleep again, before he carefully got out of bed, got dressed, and left the house. There was only once place close to the village that was large enough for the dragon, and that was the meadow. And sure enough when he reached it, the dragon was there.

The creature regarded him with golden eyes, and a disapproving expression.

"You are late."

Merlin glared at him, more than a little put out with this summons, and responded to that with sarcasm.

"Hello, Merlin, how have you been this past year? Oh fine, it's so kind of you to ask. It would be better if I hadn't been disturbed in the middle of something important."

The dragon let him rant, before speaking in a bland tone.

"We do not have the time for small talk, Merlin... You have to go back to Camelot."

Merlin rolled his eyes, having heard this before on previous visits from the magical creature. But nothing had changed between then and now, and nothing was going to change.

"I have to go back, or you need me to go back? We've had this discussion before, and you know how it ends."

The dragon remained motionless and unperturbed.

"It is not I who needs you, it is your people who need you. You must help them."

Merlin's voice was tinged with anger.

"Why? Arthur is the Once and Future King, who brought magic back to the land and united Albion. He's done what he was destined to do."

"You know full well, Merlin, that he has not done what he was supposed to do. He had deviated from his destiny, and now those with magic suffer under his tyranny."

Merlin continued to glare.

"Oh, and since we're supposed to be 'two sides of the same coin', you expect me to do something about it. Well we all know how well I did at that the first time; I failed." He flung his hands up into the air, before turning to walk away. "I'm done with magic and destiny. Find someone else. Now if you will excuse me, I'm going to return to my wife and my bed."

The dragon raised his voice, shouting after him.

"I could take you there by force, Merlin!"

The warlock-turned-carpenter paused, glancing back unimpressed.

"You could, but I wouldn't do what you want even if you did. You can't make me act against my will."

He set off again, his eyes stormy as the dragon called out again.

"You can't hide forever, Merlin! Destiny will not be denied."

Merlin clamped his hands over his ears and kept going, saying nothing of what happened to Susan. He just blanked it out behind a wall of denial, and immersed himself in the joys of anticipating becoming a father. Until a month after it had been the dragon disturbing his sleep, a woman's voice intruded on his mind and roused him from slumber.

'Merlin... Wake up...'

He opened his eyes, recognising the voice even as his heart leapt at the familiarity. Joy warring with pain and grief, as he looked to the foot of the bed to see the ghostly figure standing there. The spirit of the first woman he'd ever loved, who's name passed his lips like a prayer.

"...Freya..."

She smiled at him sadly; Freya, his Lady of the Lake.

"Hello, Merlin..."

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the original draft, Susan didn't tell Merlin of her pregnancy during the night - it was implied she wanted to make love, and that they were in the middle of it when the dragon came. Unfortunately Alaia didn't read it that way, and it was changed to this. Which is good as well.


	12. Choice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freya's visit becomes an eye-opener for Merlin; he has to go back to Camelot. Luckily, he won't be alone in that.

Chapter 12: Choice

Merlin stared at the ghost before him, barely able to comprehend that she was here? His voice the barest whisper when he spoke.

"But, how? Why are you here?"

Beside him, Susan stirred. Woken by the sudden tension of her husband. She opened her eyes, about to ask what was wrong, when she caught sight of the spectral figure at the end of the bed.

Her eyes widened, and she looked between the ghost and her stunned husband. Coming to a realisation.

"Merlin? Is that who I think it is?"

He nodded.

"Susan, meet Freya... or rather, her ghost."

At the end of the bed, Freya smiled.

"You have a a kind and beautiful wife, Merlin. I'm glad you found happiness, even if it has also come with sorrow."

"You mean you've watched over me all this time?"

At his question, Freya nodded. But her expression became serious.

"I have, and I sympathise with your losses. But to tell you that, isn't why I've been sent here."

At those words, Merlin went rigid for a different reason. The warlock beginnning to frown.

"No... Not you too."

At his groan, Freya's tone became stern.

"Yes, Merlin, i am here for that reason. I know and understand why you left Camelot, but now you  _must_  go back."

Merlin scowled, angry at his new life being intruded on yet again.

"Freya, you're wasting your time. Find someone else."

"It's not that simple, Merlin. Whether you like it or not, the signs are there to show you. That you are the one who must correct everything."

His anger faded a little, but he continued to frown.

"Gwen''s brother? Gilli discovering who I am? Lancelot?"

Freya nodded.

"Those, and the visit from the Great Dragon."

At Merlin's side, Susan's bewildered voice interupted them.

"What do you mean? What visit?"

Beside her, Merlin sighed.

The dragon called me last month. I met him in our meadow while you were asleep."

"And you ignored his warnings."

Merlin flinched at Freya's words, his scowl returning.

"Yes, I did. Arthur can do whatever he likes for all I care. I want nothing more to do with him."

There was a moment of silence, after which Freya's shoulder slumped in regret. She then raised her hand towards him, palm outwards.

"I hadn't wanted to do this, but it seems I must. Watch, and tell me again that you won't do anything."

A streak of light from her hand struck him, his eyes becoming sightless as a wave of images passed through his mind.

_Sorcerers forced to cast spells until they collapsed from. Building houses or strengthening Camelot's walls. Wearing an iron wristlet to suppress their power when they weren't at work._

_Morgana, sitting on herr throne wearing the same bracelet on her wrist. Looking sadly at a young boy with black hair and blue eyes. Clearly her son._

_A young man, chained and gagged. When he raised his head, Merlin recognised him immmediately Mordred had been captured._

_Children with magic, being sepeared form their parents to serve as hostages._

_Neighbour turning against neighbour, because they had magic._

_Gwen, helping as many people as she could to escape. And then in her house, gazing at his spellbook and whispering. 'Where are you, Merlin?'_

The visions stopped, Merlin barely holding back a scream of horror as he gasped for breath and shook. Years of denial, of turning a blind eye, shattered in an instant of overwhelming guilt. He had abandoned his people.

"Oh gods... I have to go back. I have to stop him."

Freya lowered her hand, nodding sadly.

"Merlin, I don't have much time left. I only came to show you why Camelot needs you. I have to go."

He lifted his head sharply, wanting answers for a quesiton that had haunted him for some time.

"Wait, you said there were signs... The deaths of our children, were they signs too?"

Freya shook her head.

"No, Merlin, they weren't. That you are Emrys has no bearing on those tragedies. They were just chance."

Merlin let out a sigh, a weight lifting from his shoulders. Relieved at last to know his children had not been sacrificed to fate.

"Thank you."

Freya smiled sadly.

"My time is almost done. If you have anything else to say, say it now."

"I have something." Susan looked at Freya, her arm around Merlin's shoulder to comfort him. "Merlin told me your story. I'm sorry for everything that happened to you, and that you were parted from each other."

Freya's smile broghtened, as she began to fade.

"Thank you, Susan. I'm glad he found someone like you, for I never wanted him to spend the rest of his life in grief." Her image wavered, and a last whisper reached them before she vanished. "Farewell, and good luck."

Both of them remained unmoving once she was gone, both silent until Susan suddenly got out of bed, lit the nearby candle, and began to pack clothing for both of them. When she heard him move, and saw the expression on his face, she pointed a finger at him sternly.

"Don't even think that it's just you going. I may be pregnant, but I'm not incapable. And there is no way I'm going to sit here in Frithstow worrying about you." She gave him smile that said she knew she would win this argument. "You know as well as I do, that stress is the last thing I need in my 'condition'. If I'm with you, I won't have to worry about you. I know you can keep me safe, and in turn I will be there for you to come back to every night until you've done what you need to do."

A long moment passed, before Merlin sighed in defeat and pulled her back to bed.

"All right, you can come. The packing can wait until morning."

~(-)~

It was as Susan packed their things the next day, that Merlin went about saying their goodbyes to the people in the village. He knew many would wonder why they were leaving, and if they'd come back, but neither were questions he could give the real answer to.

A least, to anyone other than Kalem and Lyanna.

Merlin went to their house first, finding the village leader alone when he knocked on the door. Kalem looked puzzled as he waved the carpenter to enter, his voice reflecting that.

"What brings you here this time of the morning. You're usually in your workshop right now."

Merlin hesitated, pushing back the pain he felt at this parting. He knew that once he left here, it was very unlikely he'd ever return. He was going to miss them all terribly.

"I've come to say that Susan and I will be leaving, today. We're going back to my former home... I'm needed there."

Kalem glanced at him with a half-smile, seeming unsurprised.

"And 'there' wouldn't happen to be Camelot, would it?" When Merlin gaped, Kalem sighed. "The clues were there for anyone willing to look for them. First your Knight friend comes from Camelot, then I hear Elyan talking about his sister who lives there. And then you put a lot of effort into warning Gilli about the kingdom. Those, along with others things, made it simple to realise where you had come from, Merlin... Or should I say Emrys?"

Merlin almost choked.

"What? How do you know that name? Even after Arthur legalised magic, that name was never spread around."

Kalem sat down, wry.

"I met and made friends with a few Druids in my youth. Once I realised that you were an exceptionally powerful sorcerer, that had come here from Camelot, it wasn't hard to put it together."

Merlin continued to stare, almost at a loss as to what to say.

"Why didn't you say anything? If you knew who I was, and how I'd failed everyone, then why?"

"You followed the village rules, and there was no reason to bring up your past. It wasn't my right to." Kalem sighed again. "And now you're going back, to right the wrongs that King Arthur has committed."

Merlin bowed his head, bleak but resolute.

"I am. I've been shown, by a spirit from my past, what Arthur has been doing. Now that I've seen the suffering he causing, I can't ignore it. Not anymore."

Little more was said between them, other than Kalem being asked to look after Merlin the dog. After finishing at the leader's house, the was just one other person Merlin really wanted to speak to. And that was Gilli, who he found shamelessly flirting with two girls.

Gilli smiled when he saw him, waving.

"Ah, here comes Merlin. Are you about to take flight soon?"

Merlin gave him a flat look in regard to the bird joke, having heard it many times during his life. He rolled his eyes while the girls giggled, and then looked at Gilli seriously.

"Can I talk to you, please? It's important."

Gilli's smile faded a fraction, and he looked at the two girls.

"Sorry, ladies. I have to go with the bird." He and Merlin walked away, Gilli waiting until they were out of earshot before speaking. "So what did you want to talk to me about?"

Merlin sighed.

"I've come to say goodbye... I have to go back to Camelot, Gilli. They need me there, the other sorcerers. Susan is coming with me."

"Then I'm coming too!" Gilli's response was instant, and much like Susan had done, he pointed at Merlin in determination. "I'm an adult, and I won't take no for an answer. Nothing you say will stop me."

Merlin gave him a long look, raising an eyebrow and his tone resigned to fate.

"Sometimes I wonder if you and Susan really aren't related." He ran a hand over his face. "Fine, you can come, but  _you_  are the one who is going to have to tell your parents."

Gilli didn't need telling twice, as he turned and sprinted off in the direction of his parent's home. Watching him go, part of Merlin was glad he was coming. When facing hardship and danger ahead, it was better to do it with friends... than alone.

~(-)~


	13. Going Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to leave Frithstow for good.

Chapter 13: Going Home

It was after waving farewell to the gathered villagers, that Merlin, Susan, and Gilli walked away into the forest. Bags slung on backs containing what they'd needed, everything else they owned they'd left behind. but once the village was out of sight, Susan frowned a little in confusion.

"Merlin? If we're going to Camelot, shouldn't we be on horses? It's a long way."

Her husband glanced back at her, but kept walking.

"We're not going directly to Camelot. If I'm going to back there, then I want to see my mother first. We're going to Ealdor, and there's a faster way we can get there than horseback."

It was Gilli's turn to frown.

"What do you mean? Some kind of magic?"

Merlin shook his head and chuckled, and it was then that Susan realised what he was implying.

"Don't tell me... We're going to ride  _him?_ "

"Who?"

At Susan's expression, and Gilli's confusion, Merlin chuckled again.

"Yes, we are. After Freya's visit, I'm fairly certain he's waiting for us in the meadow. The Old Magic wouldn't send one and not the other."

They kept going, following Merlin's lead. Arriving at the meadow as the sun neared zenith. And, sure enough, the Great Dragon was there watching Merlin with something akin to amusement.

"So, you have come to me after all, Merlin."

The warlock gave him a long look.

"Don't gloat about it, I'm not in the mood. Now, can you take us to Ealdor?"

The dragon looked at the three of them, and snorted.

"Do you think I'm a horse, Merlin?"

"No, I think you want me to be in Camelot as soon as possible. And that means taking me to Ealdor with my wife and friend. Once there, we can see about getting real horses."

Beside Merlin, Gilli was staring wide-eyed at the dragon. Meanwhile, Susan frowned at her husband, her tone scolding.

"Merlin, this dragon is probably centuries older than you, and could roast you in the blink of an eye. Would it be that hard for you to be polite?"

Merlin pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. "Fine... O Great Giant Lizard, would you be so kind as to take us miserable ants to Ealdor, please."

Gilli bit his lip, trying not to laugh as Susan clipped Merlin round the back of the head. She then clipped him again for good measure.

"Did it even occur to you that perhaps he has a name?"

The dragon watched the scene with growing amusement, smiling.

"Your female is possessed of greater manners than you, Merlin."

Susan turned, pointing a finger at him, her tone still scolding.

"Wife, not female. My name is Susan."

The dragon blinked in surprise at that reprimand, before he nodded in respect.

"And mine is Kilgharrah." He brought himself lower to the ground. "Now, I suggest you tell your young friend to stop staring at him, and all of you climb onto my back."

Susan nudged Gilli to jolt him from his stupor, and walked towards the dragon confidently.

"Thank you."

Gilli and Merlin followed, the latter barely able to believe how quickly his wife had turned that situation. No one spoke as they secured their bags and themselves on Kilgharrah's back. But they did yelp at the speed with which he took flight and soared up into the sky.

Once there, with the winds streaming past them, he spoke.

"Now, Merlin. Tell me why I shouldn't take you directly to Camelot."

Merlin frowned, raising his voice to be heard above the wind.

"Arthur is no fool. If you are seen near the city, he will know that I'm coming. We need the advantage of surprise, plus I intend to make an entrance that those around him won't soon forget."

Laughter rumbled in Kilgharrah's chest, at what was implied in those words.

"Then I have no doubt you will make quite an impression indeed."

It took a few hours to reach Ealdor; nowhere near the two or three weeks it would have been on foot. Kilgharrah left the three of them some distance from the outskirts of the village, and it was just as well. For when they reached the point they could see it from the cover of the trees, Merlin could see there were guards outside of Hunith's house.

When Merlin frowned at that sight, Susan whispered.

"What are you going to do?"

"Distract them, or knock them out. If they're anything like the guards, that watched the city gates when I lived in Camelot, then it won't be hard... And it's even easier for me." He smiled, and pointed at the two armoured men. " _Swefe nu._ "

Both guards went limp and crumpled to the floor, startling the nearby villagers. But those people stared with even wider eyes when Merlin strode into the village in the wake of that event.

Several murmured his name as he passed, but he ignored them. His only thought being to reach the wooden door ahead of him.

Inside the house, Hunith busied herself with cooking. She didn't react to the sound of the guards falling, she was too used to blanking them out and pretending they weren't there. How many times must the King of Camelot search the house, before he would understand that Merlin wasn't in Ealdor?

That thought made her bite her lip, to hold back tears at the thought of the son she'd not seen for twelve years. But then there was a knock on the door, and with resignation she went to answer it. Expecting yet another search.

When she opened it she didn't see what she expected. No man in armour demanding entry. Instead she saw three people, one of them smiling at her with a grin she'd believed she would never see again.

Merlin reached out to her.

"Hello, Mother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Merlin ignored the dragon's name; remember he never met Balinor in this timeline, which means Bal is still alive and Merlin is not a Dragonlord.
> 
> Next time, Susan meets her mother-in law, and you will get to see Gwen again. Yes, only Gwen. You'll have to wait a little longer for Arthur, sorry.


	14. Reunions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to see Hunith and Gwen again...

Hunith stared at her son for several moments, barely able to believe he was here. Standing there, with a woman and a young man, as naturally as if he had last seen her yesterday. She then broke from her trance and ushered them them quickly inside. Closing the door before turning to her son and pulling him into a hug.

Merlin returned it, smiling over her shoulder as she clung to him.

"I've miss you too."

Hunith at last let go, taking a step back with her eyes full of concern.

"What are you doing here, Merlin? King Arthur has offered a reward for anyone who brings you to him or can tell him where you are. This house and Ealdor are watched, always, and searched almost every day."

Merlin sighed, but didn't seem troubled.

"I know. The guards made it obvious. When I leave, I'll make sure no one here but you remembers I visited." He changed the topic, gesturing to the two who were with him. "I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Gilli. He's a fellow sorcerer."

Gilli offered his hand, letting Hunith shake it in greeting.

"Nice to meet you, ma'am."

Merlin now went to Susan, putting his arm around her waist.

"And this... is Susan. My wife, and soon-to-be mother of my child."

Hunith stared, before breaking into the most joyous of smiles. She hurried over to the two of them, hugging them both.

"I never though Merlin would ever return, least of all with a wife. You've no idea how much this means to me."

Susan returned the hug, while Merlin smiled at the pair of them.

"I wish we could have invited you to the wedding, but it was too dangerous. I knew that Arthur would have you watched."

His mother once again looked at him, this time frowning.

"But that still doesn't tell me why you're here now. Why? After twelve years with no word, why now?"

Merlin's smile faded into seriousness.

"I'm going to stop Arthur, and free the magical community. I failed them once, and I can't walk away again."

Hunith went silent, before she spoke in a harsh whisper.

"You're going to do that, with your pregnant wife and a clearly young sorcerer to help you? That's crazy."

"Crazy has always seemed to well for me... and those two  _insisted_  on coming. They didn't really give me a choice, and wouldn't stand for being left behind to worry about me." He sighed again, leading his mother to a chair to sit her down. "There's a lot a want to tell you, and I don't really have much time. I still have to cast the spell on everyone so they won't remember."

It was the following morning, just before dawn, that the trio left. Having spent much of the night telling Hunith about the past twelve years. Their exit was more discrete than their entrance. The rest of the villagers, and the guards, now having no memory of seeing them the day before.

Two days of steady walking got them to the woods around the City of Camelot. Merlin choosing a campsite where the walls could be seen through the trees, but there was still enough cover to keep them hidden. The wards he placed around the camp then hid it even further, and ensured that any smoke from a fire would disappear instead of rising above the trees.

He left Susan and Gilli there, having firmly insisted that this time he  _was_  going to head out alone. He needed to get an idea of exactly what was going on in the city right now, and one person would blend in far more easily than three.

Twelve years had matured his face beyond the boyish features of his youth. Combined with his hair being a longer, tousled mess, and the fact he was sporting several days of stubble, he became just one more travelling stranger among the many others passing in and out of city gates. Eyes lowered as he slipped in among the crowds, unremarkable and unremarked upon beneath his hood.

When he reached his destination in the upper town, he wasn't surprised to see guards posted outside a certain house. Using magic to knock them out, was out of the question here. But lucky for Merlin he had more weapons in his arsenal than just his magic, to get inside that house without Arthur finding out about it.

That is to say he walked up to the two guards, pulled back his hood a little, and glared at them when their eyes widened in recognition. His tone was deadly.

"You know who I am, don't you?" Both of them gulped, nodding. "Then you know I'm not joking when I tell you this. If you so much as  _whisper_ a word about me being here, or taking Gwen with me when I leave...  _I. will. know_. If that happens, I will find you, and when I do you will be living your worst nightmares. Am I making myself clear?"

Eyes wide in terror, both guards nodded again. Satisfied with their reaction, Merlin then knocked on his friend's door, hearing a muffled but familiar voice call out within.

"Tina, can you see who's at the door, please?"

There was a clatter of footsteps, and then the door opened slightly to reveal a girl of about five years of age. She looked at him with curiousity, before calling out towards the back of the house.

"Mommy! There's a man with funny ears!"

"Ask him what he wants, Tina."

At Gwen's resigned tone, one you'd expect to hear from a woman who has lived under observation and unannounce intrusion for over a decade, Merlin called out with a teasing reply.

"Is that any way to greet an old friend?"

There was silence, before Gwen came dashing through from the back of the house. A look of disbelief on her face.

"Merlin?"

He grinned, gently pushing past Tina and closing the door.

"It's good to see you again."

Laughing with joy, Gwen ran towards him and pulled him into a hug. She then noticed the speculative glance he was directing between her and the little girl staring at them in confusion.

Gwen flapped at him in irritation, flustering as she did so often in his memories of her.

"Oh don't give me that look, Merlin. She's not Arthur's, if that's what you think, and she's not mine either. Her parents were sorcerers, and they didn't want to work for Arthur. They were captured and executed, but Morgana still had enough influence then to get him to let me have Tina. As the Queen's maidservant, I'm considered a friend of the Crown, so the Council agreed. I've looked after her since."

Tina was still staring, but less surprised, and reached out to tug on Merlin's sleeve.

"Are you mommy's friend?"

Merlin smiled down at her.

"Yes, I am. We've been friends for a very long time."

"Does that mean you're going to marry mommy?"

Both Merlin and Gwen choked at that, the former hastily shaking his head.

"Heavens, no! I'm just her friend."

Gwen now regarded her foster daughter, similarly quick to speak.

"Why do you want me to get married, Tina?"

The reply was innocent and earnest.

"Because I want a little brother, and you have to be married to have a baby."

While Gwen gaped at Tina in utter shock, and flushed red, Merlin was biting his lip trying not to laugh. A few chuckles slipped by him, before he set his hand on the little girl's shoulder.

"Look, Tina, I'm sorry by I couldn't marry Gwen anyway. I already have a wife."

" _What?!_ " It was now Merlin's turn to be gaped at, as Gwen struggled to comprehend what he'd just said. "Who? When?  _Where?_ "

Merlin chuckled again, shaking his head at how this reunion had turned out.

"Her name is Susan, we got married five years ago, but I can't say where. I'd like you to come with me and meet her." He sighed, returning to the business at hand. "But first I need my spellbook back. I might be needing it, if my talk with Arthur doesn't go as I hope."

Gwen straightened, her expression turning serious. She had known, deep down, that this wasn't a social visit. If Merlin was back in Camelot, and Arthur didn't listen to him... Then it was likely all hell was going to break loose.

~(-)~


	15. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The moment you've all been waiting for.

Chapter 15: Confrontation

 

It took Gwen a few minutes to get the book out hiding, in a place where not even repeated searchs by the guards had found it. She was solemn when he handed it to him, and watched as Merlin ran a hand over the ornate cover in memory.

 

He sighed.

 

"Thank you for looking after it. Did you try to use it?"

 

Gwen nodded.

 

"Yes, I tried a few spells out of curiousity. But nothing happened. I don't think I have much, if any, talent for magic."

 

Both of them went quiet. Gwen noticing Merlin's glaze flicking over to Tina, who was sat amusing herself with a ragdoll. She didn't need him to speak to read what was in that look. With Tina's background, it was very likely she would develope magic at some point over the coming years.

 

Merlin broke the silence, smiling as he tucked his book inside his cloak.

 

"Now, who wants to go on a little trip outside the city?"

 

Tina looked up at him, an eager grin lighting up her face.

 

"I do! I do!" She stood, and started jumping up and down. "Can we go, Mommy? Pleeeeease?"

 

Gwen nodded, if a little reluctant, and Merlin understood why. He looked out the window, checking that the guards were still the same ones he'd intimidated, and pulled up his hood. He left first, on his own, and was followed a few minutes later by Gwen and Tina. The maidservant had a basket with food and a blanket in it, making it seem as if she were taking the little girl out for a picnic.

 

Merlin kept ahead of them, waiting for them among the trees once they'd gotten beyond the city gates. Gwen relaxed once they were in that cover, able to speak without fear now that they were out of range of Arthur's men.

 

She looked at Merlin speculatively as they walked, broaching a subject she'd not mentioned back at the house.

 

"Merlin, about your wife. Does she have magic?"

 

The warlock glanced at her, shaking his head.

 

"No, but she knows about mine. She reacted much the way you did, when she first found out about it."

 

That brought a smile to Gwen's face.

 

"I remember. I wanted so much to see more. You showed me that magic could be beautiful." She sighed, her arm draped around Tina's shoulders. "Do the two of you have any children?"

 

Merlin's expression instantly darkened with grief and pain, and he averted his eyes.

 

"No." He took a deep breath, steadying himself. "One miscarriage, about four years ago, and a stillborn son a year after that. She's carrying another child now, so maybe this time we'll be lucky."

 

Tears of sympathy welled up in Gwen's eyes, and she placed her hand on his shoulder in silent support. They said nothing else after that. Not until they arrived at the campsite.

 

Susan stood when she saw Merlin come into sight, rushing over to him.

 

"You're back! How did it go?"

 

Merlin gestured to Gwen and Tina, as Gilli came out of the tent.

 

"This is Gwen, the friend I've told you so much about, and her foster daughter, Tina." He sighed. "And now, we've got a lot to talk about."

 

The following hours proved harrowing for Merlin, as Gwen told the story of the past twelve years in Camelot. But what hit him the most was learning of Gaius' death, and how the old physician had seemed to give up after he'd disappeared. Retiring and going to live in the lower town, before passing away in his sleep three years later.

 

By the end of the tale, including warnings about the iron wristlets that bound the powers of those with magic, Merlin knew everything he needed. Tomorrow, he would pay his respects at Gaius' grave, and then...

 

"Arthur will found out I'm here sooner or later... Tomorrow I'll pay him a visit, and I hope he enjoys the show."

 

~(-)~

 

Gwen and Tina had returned to their home before night fell, leaving Merlin to re-enter the city by himself the following morning. Susan had watched him go in silence, knowing there was nothing she could say to disuade him from this as dangerous as it was.

 

Visiting Gaius' grave, in the burial grounds outside the city walls, only strengthened his resolve as he then entered the city. The crowds seeming to part before him, as the people made way for him without ever once realising it or being aware of him.

 

When he reached the castle, it was with great irony that Merlin recognised a familiar man guarding the main gate. That a Knight of Camelot would be put on such a mundane duty was surprising, but Merlin was glad to see Lancelot with what he knew was coming ahead.

 

He pulled back his hood as he reached him, and Lancelot stared at him in shock.

 

" _Merlin?_ What are you doing here?"

 

Merlin strolled right past him.

 

"I heard Arthur wanted me to return, so I've come to see him... If you want to find out what I'm here to do, they I suggest you follow me."

 

Lancelot hesitated, but did choose to follow. By his expression, he felt a certain amount of dread for what may happen once they reached the throne room. And that wasn't helped when the guard outside ordered Merlin to stop, and the warlock simply cast a spell that left the man suspended tell feet off the floor. Although the sight of that did cause Lancelot to smile a little.

 

And then Merlin gestured at the throne room doors, his sharp word and gesture revealing that this definitely wasn't a social visit.

 

" _Torbyrste!_ "

 

The doors literallty _exploded_ into a cloud of splinters, the king inside the chamber leaping to his feet and shouting, while the members of the court who were gathered within yelped with surprise and fear.

 

"Who _dares-_ " He paused, eyes widening at the sight of the figure revealed when the splinters tumbled to the floor. "... _Merlin?_ "

 

Morgana, who had been talking to her son, also stared. It was indeed Merlin, much changed from the man he'd been when she last saw him. His face had a harsher look to it, and his eternal, lopsided grin was gone.

 

He started to walk into the chamber, slow and steady.

 

"Hello, Arthur... It's been a while."

 

"A _while?_ " Arthur's expression became incredulous. "You've been gone for twelve years, and you call it a _while?_ Where have you been?!"

 

Merlin stopped, halfway up the grand hall.

 

"I won't tell you that, and I'm not here for small talk... I want you to free the magical community, Arthur."

 

The king remained silent for a moment, before bursting into derisive laugher. Within moments, several of the courtiers were also laughing. But Morgana wasn't one of them. She looked at Merlin, and could see he was being deadly serious.

 

But Arthur could not, and he gestured to the pair of men stood either side of the thrones; quiet obviously the court sorcerers by their clothing.

 

"James, Samuel, show Emrys what I think of his demands."

 

The two sorcerers came to stand between Arthur and Merlin, the warlock noting that neither of them could be much older than Gilli. It was his turn to laugh.

 

"Honestly, Arthur. Do you think these two _boys_ could possibly be a match for me? You've obviously forgotten how powerful I am."

 

" _Betreppe!_ "

 

Before he had the chance to say anything further, one of the two young sorcerers brought a cage sailing from the corner of the room, straight at Merlin from behind. Merlin simply side-stepped it and helped it on its way, resulting in the one who'd pulled it ending up inside it instead.

 

He then laughed at the sorcerer's struggles inside it.

 

"You mean you can't even get out of your own cage? How did you become a court sorcerers if you're that weak?"

 

The other sorcerer came forward, glaring at him.

 

"You'll find I'm a lot harder to trap than Samuel was."

 

Merlin smirked at him.

 

"I should hope so. Otherwise it would mean Arthur's standards for court sorcerer have fallen a lot since I had the job."

 

In response to the taunt, James conjured a snake and flung it at the warlock. Merlin catching it and turning it into a stick. In turn he sent a ball of energy, which James knocked off course causing the members of the court to scatter and head screaming for the exit.

 

Merlin was less impressed, and just yawned.

 

"I've a feeling this is going to be boring... Maybe I should liven it up a bit."

 

He caught the bolt of power that was flung at him next, crushing it in his hand as all good humour vanished from his expression. Arthur glaring at him, Morgana smiling ever so slightly, and their son watching with facination.

 

_**So you think you've got friends in high places?** _

_**With the power to put me on the run?** _

 

A new cage was thrown at Merlin, who changed it into a dog-kennel and responded with a bolt of lightning aimed at his opponent's chest.

 

_**Well forgive me this smile on my face, then.** _

_**You'll know what power is when we are done, son.** _

 

James dodged it, casting vines of power out in an attempt to tie Merlin up. But the warlock grinned, a flash of gold in his eyes making them stop in their tracks.

 

"Nice trick, but not good enough. Let's liven this up a little more."

 

_**You're playing with the big boys now.** _

_**Playing with the big boys now.** _

 

 

The vines twisted and headed for Arthur, sprouting thorns, making James fight to regain control and send them back at Merlin.

 

_**Every spell and gesture** _

_**Tells you who's the best.** _

 

Merlin's eyes flashed gold, and the vines burst into flames that encircled the young sorcerer.

 

_**You're playing with the big boys now.** _

 

James hastily summoned water to put them out, before conjuring a lion that rushed towards Merlin.

 

_**You're playing with the big boys now** _ _._

 

Merlin sighed, shaking his head as he turned the leaping lion into a fluffy kitten that scrambled away.

 

"You seem to have a thing for animals... Well, let's see how you like this one then."

 

He conjured a crocodile, a creature he'd read a book about long ago before he'd left Camelot.

 

_**You're playing with the big boys now.** _

 

The court sorcerer made it disappear, just before it reached his leg.

 

_**Stop this foolish mission** _

_**Watch a true magician** _

 

James gave up on using animals, and summoned a staff to charge at Merlin directly. But the warlock just laughed.

 

_**Take off your silly twig, boy** _

_**You're playing with the big boys now.** _

 

Merlin snapped his fingers, causing Arthur's sword to leave its sheath and come to his grasp. The same moment Jame's staff also turned into a blade.

 

"If you want to protect your king, you must be able to fight with normal weapons as well."

 

_**You're playing with the big boys now.** _

 

The pace of the battle quickened, while Morgana glanced at Arthur. It seemed so far away now, the time when they had bickered constantly but never with hate. To speak against his actions now, was to risk something happening to her or her son. The child who was the last victory she'd had over Arthur, in her insistence on calling him Mordred... After the druid boy who had been captured while she was giving birth.

 

_**By the might of the Druids** _

_**You will kneel before me** _

_**Kneel to my splendourus power** _

 

Morgana turned her eyes back to the battle, wishing her magic wasn't stopped by the bracelet on her wrist.

 

_**You put up a fight** _

_**You put up a fight** _

 

James managed to disarm Merlin, bringing his blade to bear at the warlock's throat.

 

_**And just to show** _

_**I feel no spite** _

 

Merlin's eyes gleamed and James was slammed backwards into the wall.

 

"Not bad."

 

_**You can be my acolyte** _

_**But first, boy, it's time to bow.** _

 

James got back on his feet, glaring.

 

_**It's your own grave you dig, boy.** _

_**You're playing with the big boys now.** _

 

He snapped a hand towards Merlin, the battle with magic resuming. The very walls of the throne room shaking with the forces being thrown around within.

 

_**You're playing with the big boys** _

_**You're playing with the big boys** _

 

_**You're playing with the big boys now...** _

 

Faster than the eye could follow, Merlin seemed to decide he'd had enough of this game. And between one heartbeat and the next, he appeared over James and flattened him to the floor with a single blow. Pinning him there, helpless and unable to do anything but gasp for breath beneath the pressure holding him down.

 

Merlin then turned to face Arthur, as the king realised the danger and shouted.

 

"Knights of Camelot! Seize him!"

 

The dozen or so knights, who had stood around the walls keeping clear of the magical battle, drew their swords and charged at Merlin. But the warlock did little but glance at them with annoyance and flick his hands in their direction.

 

" _Ic bescufan!_ " Merlin's voice thundered in the air, and the knights were flung into the walls and left lying unconcious where they fell. And then Merlin walked towards Arthur, and stopped just a few feet away from him. Regarding him not as the friend he'd once been, but as a man he saw, but did not wish to see, as his enemy. "What will you do now... Arthur?"

 

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second half of this chapter is a songfic. Feel free to listen to the song while you read it^^


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might want to put on "The Plagues" from Prince of Egypt.

 

Chapter 16: A Wrong Move

 

The two men stared at each other in the following silence, neither moving and neither speaking. None of those still in the room, watching this, dared move either. And it was when Arthur continued to glare in impotent silence, that Merlin spoke coldly and quietly.

 

"You have two days, Arthur. Two days to do as I ask and release the magical commmunity, or you will force me to do something I will regret."

 

In the moment between one heartbeat and the next, he vanished. Having controlled time to walk out of the castle before anyone could think to stop him. As soon as he was gone, Arthur broke from his trance and began to rage, and order for search parties to be sent out to look for the warlock. Around him, those still present began to talk. Some were outraged, others seemed to find the threat amusing and didn't take it seriously.

 

Only two people in the room did; Lancelot and Morgana. The queen's face impassive as she hid her inner thoughts, while listening to her son talking animatedly about how great that duel had been. And while she found it amusing at how Merlin had commpletly shown Arthur up, she was still concerned. Wondering what it was that Merlin was going to do, when the talk going on around her made it clear that everyone else in the court agreed that the warlock's demands would not be met.

 

~(-)~

 

"You didn't really think he'd do it just because you asked, did you?"

 

Gilli watched Merlin pace, as the sun rose on the third day after the warning had been delivered. The warlock looked agitated and unhappy, and it wasn't hard to understand why. Arthur had been his friend, the man who had trusted him above all others, and now it seemed the king had chosen to be his enemy.

 

"Of course not, but I hoped that... I don't know what I hoped. For the old Arthur to show himself, and smile at me instead of glare at me like an enemy? I don't want to do this, but I must."

 

Susan frowned.

 

"And what are you going to do now?"

 

"Show him that I'm not joking."

 

~(-)~

 

Inside the castle, everyone was waiting to see if anything would happen. Every window had someone watching at it, but it was Prince Mordred who was the first to notice what. Alerting his father to the dark clouds that had suddenly begun to gather in the sky.

 

Arthur looked out the window, and shrugged.

 

"It's just a coincidence. Nothing magical at all."

 

James came to stand behind him, shaking his head.

 

"I'm sorry to say that you a wrong, Sire. I sense magic at work up there, powerful magic. This is no ordinary storm."

 

The king snorted.

 

"So what is he going to do? Soak us? Try to scare us with a bit of lightning?"

 

There was a crash of thunder, and eerie silence, and then a tremendous roar as torrent of hailstones the size of an eye came rushing down to pound on roof and street and send people dashing for cover.

 

Coming to the window, Morgana gasped as she looked out beyond the city walls.

 

"The fields! He's destroy the harvest!"

 

~(-)~

 

From his vantage point near the city, Merlin watched sadly as a few desperate people braved the falling ice in an attempt to save the crops. Even using the magic of the enslaved sorcerers, there was no way they'd be able to prevent a famine in the coming winter. People would leave Camelot in droves, moving to other areas in search of food. Unless Arthur beggared the heart of his kingdom by buying food from outside the borders, there was the real risk that such a famine would cause Camelot to collapse.

 

Over the following days, Merlin added to the camelot's misery. Drawing a plague of rats to the settlement. The resulting surge in disease spread through the city, killing dozens while Arthur sent men into the woods to hunt game in a bid to stem the starvation of the people as supplies began to run out. But still he refused to free the magical community.

 

One month after sending the rats, Merlin sent in a new plague. Sending it through the water much as Nimueh had done using the afanc. It was an event both he and Arthur would remember well.

 

Arthur's physicians were as unable as his sorcerers to find out what was in the water. Within a week, half the knights were dead or sick, as well as a quarter of the citizens. Through everything, Morgana watched and said nothing. Too many sorcerers had suffered and were still suffering, and it was now time for those without magic to understand what it was like to suffer too. But her bitter view on the situation took a different turn, the morning she found her son burning up with a fever.

 

In a panic she ran to the throne room, rushing up to Arthur nearly hysterical.

 

"Mordred is sick! The same way the knights were before they died!"

 

Arthur turned to face her, eyes narrowing.

 

"Then you should be talking to the physician's not me. Now stop being such a fool, and go get them!"

 

Morgana grabbed his sleeve.

 

"You know they haven't been able to cure anyone! Only Merlin can stop this! You have to do what he says!"

 

Arthur turned away from her, scowling.

 

"Camelot needs them to serve the kingdom. I will not."

 

Morgana stared at him, shocked.

 

"But he's your _heir!_ "

 

There was a moment of quiet, and then quiet and chilling words from a man who cared more about his pride than even his family.

 

"We're still young enough to have other children, Morgana. If he dies, then we will simply replace him."

 

That night, as Gwen tended to her, Morgana wept in helplessness. Begging Gwen, who she knew likely knew where Merlin was, to lead her to him so she could ask him to save Mordred. But Gwen refused, saying she didn't know where she was, and Morgana couldn't blame her for not telling her. She was, after all, Arthur's wife. The risk was too great.

 

But that evening, after falling into troubled sleep, Morgana was woken by the feeling that someone was in the room. The moment she sat up, the candle on her bedside table lit itself and the glow revealed Merlin stood solemnly at the foot of the bed. It seemed that, whatever she'd said about not leading the way to Merlin, Gwen _had_ passed the message on.

 

He bowed his head respectfully. Despite how he felt towards Arthur now, he still considered her a friend.

 

"You wanted to see me, My Lady? About your son?"

 

Morgana got out of the bed, rushing to him to clutch at his sleeve in desperation.

 

"Please, save him! I'm begging you! Whatever my husband has done, please don't take my son from me! He's the only one I have in this world other than Gwen! Please!"

 

Merlin gently disengaged her fingers from his clothing.

 

"I know you too well, Lady Morgana. You have a kind heart, and how do I know that you won't give the cure to all who are ill? How do I know your kindess wouldn't sabotage the lesson I'm trying to teach with this?"

 

She bowed deeply to him, an action that the prideful Morgana of the past would never have done.

 

"You have my work that I won't. I've suffered under Arthur as much as any other who has magic, and this needs to be done. But please, save my son!"

 

Merlin sighed, and spoke quietly.

 

"I poisoned the city water with lead. Give your son milk to drink, discretely, and he'll recover in a few days."

 

After ushering the queen back beneath her blankets and spelling her into slumber, Merlin decided it was time for another talk with Arthur. The king was sat at his desk in his study, reading through reports despite the late hour. And when he entered the room, Merlin felt a twinge of sorrow at the familar sight. Twelve years ago, he'd have been here to scold Arthur for staying up late and shoo him off to bed.

 

The king didn't even look up when he entered, he didn't need to, to know who it was.

 

"Let me guess, Merlin. You're here to ask me again to free your people."

 

Merlin frowned at the king's dismissive tone. It seemed that even with so many deaths so far, he still wasn't taking this seriously.

 

"I'm here to warn you, Arthur. Things are only going to get worse, if you keep refusing to let go of pride and free them."

 

"Go away, Merlin. I'm busy."

 

Merlin sighed, turning to leave.

 

"Just how many more must you force me to kill before you listen?"

 

And just as he'd done those years ago, once again Merlin walked out and left the city.

 

From that point on, various disasters began to happen across Albion. While Albion suffered under the first, and far worse than normal snowfall of winter, other areas twenty leagues away were suffering from late drought. Forest game was also becoming scarce, but that was nothing to do with Merlin.

 

Arthur, instead of listening, now harshened his laws. Anyone caught associating with unregistered sorcerers would lose a hand. Those caught harbouring such sorcerers would lose their head. He also officially declared Merlin Emrys as an enemy of the kingdom, and put a price of five-hunded gold coins on his head. Anyone found to be helping Merlin, would be burned at the stake.

 

At around this time, starving wolves began to prey on people, forcing Merlin to add more spells to the protections on the camp. Meanwhile, in Camelot, the people began to ask Arthur to do something about the wolves after several children were taken. The king responded by locking the ringleaders of the protests in the dungeons.

 

It was a few days later that Lancelot found himself summoned by a rather pleased king. Arthur watching out his study window as he spoke.

 

"Sir Lancelot, I've just received word that Merlin's camp has been found. Practically under our noses, as I should have expected. He seems to have a young sorcerer with him, and a pregnant woman. I want you to assemble a force and capture them, _imediately_." He looked at Lancelot coldly. "And don't fail me. This is the leverage I need to force Merlin to heel, once and for all."

 

Lancelot left, and Arthur waited, having already made sure to send someone into the woods to shout out that the king wished to speak with Merlin. Even with his skill, it would be a while before the warlock would arrrive, and by then the knights would be ready and waiting for him to leave his campsite undefended.

 

Merlin arrived a short while later, and after deliberately delaying the warlock with the same arguments as before, Arthur decided it was time to deliver the final blow to warlock's little rebellion.

 

Arthur turned to face the warlock, and smirked.

 

"You know, Merlin, you should worry less about the sorcerers and more about your family... I hear your wife is rather beautiful."

 

Merlin, who until now had been growing rather frustated with being called in to a talk which was such a farce... Felt a chill of realisation. He'd been fooled, the summons was a trap for Susan!

 

He narrowed his eyes at Arthur.

 

"How do you know about her?"

 

The king continued to smile.

 

"I have my sources. Even as we speak, a patrol of my men will be arresting her and your friend. And they're sheilded and hidden with magic from my sorcerers. I hope you can run, Merlin, because you'll never find them once they've moved away from your camp. And once I have your wife, you'll have no choice but to surrender if you want her to stay alive."

 

Merlin turned and fled, followed by Arthur's laugh, while out in the woods Susan came out of her tent to find herself face-to-face with Lancelot and a squad of knights. Behind him, Gilli was struggling, and after an apologetic yet knowing look at Susan, a small almost unnoticable nod, Lancelot turned and went over to the young sorcerer. Clasping a metal wristlet on him, the sight of which made Gilli freeze and glare with hatred.

 

And then, Lancelot gave him a long look too, in the guise of glaring at him in return.

 

"Yes, I've cut you off from your powers. It's no use trying a spell, because it _will not work._ Understood?"

 

As she was also seized, albeit more carefully than Gilli had been, Susan frowned. There was something in the way the knight had said that.

 

They were led away through the woods, towards one of the city escape tunnels, and soonafter heard Merlin's enraged scream echo through the woods. She knew then, that Arthur had just made a _very_ big mistake.

 

A small frown from Lancelot indicated that he knew it too, but he said nothing. He maintained his ruse of obedience all the way back to the castle, until after the point Susan and Gilli were in the dungeons and the rest of the patrol had left while he finished securing them.

 

As soon as they were out of earshot, he looked through the bars at Gilli.

 

"I know Merlin will come for you, and the magical reinforcement on this cell doesn't have a hope of stopping him. Young man, I need you do no magic until he comes."

 

Susan looked at the knight, frowning.

 

"What magic could he possibly do with that on? Are you some kind of fool?"

 

Gilli put his hand on her arm.

 

"It's fake, Susan. I knew it the moment he put it on me. I don't know who's side he's on, though. I mean, all the years he's stood back and played being a proper knight. Doing nothing."

 

Lancelot smiled at the assumption, and then became more serious.

 

"I've done more than you think, boy. I'll explain myself to Merlin when he gets here."

 

It was about an hour after the knights had returned, that a series of explosions sounded near the castle gates, and began heading in the direction of the dungeons. Seated in the throne room, Arthur appeared unconcerned while Morgana frowned and went to the windows. The sounds could only be the result of magic, and there was only one non-enslaved sorcerer of enough power to charge into the castle like this. And then there was the fact that Arthur looked pleased with himself.

 

She turned, looking at him.

 

"Is there something I should know, Arthur?"

 

The king glanced at her, laughing.

 

"Merlin seems to be throwing a tantrum... I have his wife imprisoned in the dungeon, under heavy magic and non-magical guard."

 

Morgana gaped at him in horror.

 

"Please tell me this is a joke." When Arthur didn't answer, Morgana took a step back. "You really have lost your mind, haven't you? You've angered the most powerful sorcerer that will ever live!" There was another roaring explosion, and the walls and floor trembled. Morgana shook her head. "I don't think your guards are going to have much of a chance, even if one of them goes to the cells and threatens Merlin's wife with a blade to make him stop."

 

And how right she was, for at that moment Merlin was systematically flinging every guard and sorcerer out of his path. They didn't even get the chance to run to the cells, as Merlin left them in groaning heaps lining the passages leading there.

 

When he arrived at the dungeon, Lancelot stood in his path waiting for him and Merlin scowled.

 

"You, out of my way."

 

The two of them looked at each other, before Lancelot smiled and stepped aside.

 

"Don't worry, I made sure she and your friend weren't hurt."

 

"Merlin?"

 

Susan's voice called out from the furthest cells, and Merlin dashed past Lancelot to where she was. Ripping the bars out of the cell the moment he got to it. Susan pratically fell into his arms, before he turned his head to look at Lancelot.

 

"Explain yourself. Are you really helping us, and going against your king?"

 

Lancelot nodded, his smile now one of wry amusement.

 

"Merlin, half the people supposed to be in here, escaped after Arthur forgot about them. I freed them, and I know Gwen helped them escape the city."

 

Merlin frowned.

 

"Then why didn't they attack Camelot? And why didn't Gwen tell me you were doing that?"

 

"She doesn't know. I couldn't risk letting her know, not when she's so heavily watched. As for attacking the city, most of those who I let out had families to consider. They couldn't put them at risk."

 

Merlin thought it over, nodding since it made sense. Those who escaped would be more interested in vanishing than in drawing more attention to those they cared about. He then passed Susan to Gilli, and took a deep breath.

 

"Right then, before we leave, there's something else I need to do... Lancelot, where's the druid, Mordred, being held?"

 

The knight's eyes widened.

 

"You want to free _him?_ "

 

Merlin nodded again, grim and serious.

 

"Arthur took my wife and friend to use them against me as hostages.. Do you really think I'm going to have a problem with freeing the man who, before destiny was shattered, was prophesied to be his fated killer?"

 

Silence fell for several seconds, before Lancelot's expression hardened and he turned to walk from the dungeon.

 

"Follow me. I'll take you to him."

 

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we go. Lessons are over, now Merlin is really going to act.


	17. Two Sides of a Broken Coin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed the warnings changed. Yeah, I went there.

Chapter 17: Two Sides of a Broken Coin

 

"Arthur chained him where the Great Dragon used to be imprisoned. Not a proper cell, and a barbaric place, but it's kept him far from anyone who might have tried to free him. Many wonder why the King didn't just have him killed, what with the prophecies. But when a Druid told him that Mordred's path no longer lay in that direction, he decided to imprison him as an example instead."

 

Lancelot was leading the way, Merlin a few steps behind him followed by Susan and Gilli. They were all tense, even if they'd encountered no guards in these passages, but that didn't stop Merlin's snort of disgust.

 

"So he did exactly what his father did, just with a different individual. Why am I not surprised?"

 

The knight winced at that, knowing there were many who would notice the similarity as well. And yet Arthur had proven himself far more of a tyrant than his father had ever been. Far more cold and ruthless.

 

Nothing else was said the rest of the way to the cavern, and when the filthy, thin, and chained form of Mordred came into view, it was Merlin who stepped forward to speak to him.

 

"I know the last time we met, you held me responsible for what happened to the Druids you were with. But now the whole magical community must stand up against Arthur... If I release you, do I have your word that you will not attack me or my companions?"

 

Mordred, a bitter young man instead of the innocent boy he'd been, nodded. Watching as his chains fell away at the touch of Merlin's power, before he spoke.

 

"I need the iron band removing from my wrist. I cannot use my powers with it on, and no sorcerer may touch it without being hurt."

 

Susan brushed past Merlin, pausing before Mordred and reaching towards the offending item.

 

"We know about them. Here, I'll take it off for you."

 

It was her turn to be watched, as Mordred raised his eyebrows a little and looked at Merlin.

 

"I see you have a wife, Emrys. Your aura resonates with hers quite strongly."

 

Susan, now holding the removed wristlet, frowned.

 

"Auras?"

 

"Sensing them is a rare talent, although not a particularly useful one." Mordred's smile was bitter, but it faded the moment he spotted Lancelot stood discretely near the passage up to the castle. " _You!_ "

 

Before Mordred could turn his now released powers on the knight, Merlin stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

 

"He's on our side, but there's no time to explain. We're going to go to the Throne Room, and I'm going to make sure the people of Camelot know just how many things Arthur has been lying to them about. And a few things that even he doesn't know, but Gaius told me not long before I left twelve years ago. If there are any who don't doubt him after that, I'll be surprised." He glanced at Lancelot, then Mordred. "I'll have to knock you out when we get back to the main passages, so your cover won't be broken. And you... if you want to 'scream', now is a good moment to do it."

 

Mordred didn't need to be told twice, taking a deep breath before screaming out in a blast of sound and power. Yelling as rocks fell from the ceiling of the cavern, and the entire castle above it, shook.

 

~(-)~

 

In the Throne Room, Morgana winced as she heard that scream in her mind, and the floor and walls trembled enough to bring a shower of dust from above. Her voice harsh with scorn.

 

"It would seem that Merlin has released Mordred... I can only admire your plan, Arthur. Taking Merlin's wife and friend as hostage? _Truly brilliant_... And now your dungeons are littered with dead or unconscious guards and knights, Mordred is free, and Merlin Emrys is more than angry with you."

 

Arthur scowled, snapping at her.

 

"Spare me your sarcasm, Morgana. I don't need it at the moment."

 

She scowled back at him.

 

"And that's your problem, Arthur... Because you don't need the words of _anyone_ who disagrees with you. Even if they're right."

 

Around the pair of them, the courtiers shuffled nervously. Murmuring to each other, or glancing up at the ceiling as if fearing it would fall if the castle shook again. Tense minutes passed, until at last the main doors opened and Merlin strode in with Susan, Gilli, and Mordred at his heels. Lancelot had been left unconscious near the dungeons, so as to appear as if he'd chased them on their way to the druid.

 

Merlin gestured for his friends to stay close, until he came to a stop in the centre of the chamber. Eyes narrowed with a fury to strike fear into anyone wise enough to recognise it.

 

"Arthur Pendragon, you stand accused of many crimes. We are here to make you answer for them."

 

The king scowled, as much a fool as circumstances would show, when he ignored the warlock's obvious anger.

 

"What is this? A trial? Do you think I'm going to sit here and let you-"

 

A window shattered as Merlin's eyes gleamed gold, and the warlock spoke.

 

"For each interruption, I will break a window... You don't want to discover what will shatter once all of this room's windows are gone." The Court Sorcerers stepped forward to deal with him, only for Merlin to magically pick them up, gag them, and pin them to the nearest wall without a single incantation. "The grown ups are talking, children, stay out of this if you value your life."

 

Merlin took a step closer to Arthur, his gaze icy. "The first crime you are accused of, is slavery. You reduced the sorcerers to little more than beasts of burden, to be worked to the point of death. Do you have something to say to that?"

 

Arthur raised his chin, haughty.

 

"Magic has to be controlled so it won't be used against us. I only made best use of the resources I had."

 

"And that argument could only be believed in the slightest sense, if your own _wife_ hadn't been cut off from her powers." Merlin shook his head, as Mordred now called out. 

 

"The second crime you stand accused of, is murder... Twelve years ago, you led a group of knights in the massacre of a camp of druids. The group who were my family!"

 

Arthur glared.

 

"We believed they had kidnapped the Lady Morgana."

 

"Did you give them the chance to explain that it was she who came to them?"

 

"Well..."

 

Mordred snorted at the lack of answer, and Merlin continued on.

 

"We didn't think so... The third crime you are accused of, is kin-slaying. _Regicide_. As witnessed by two knights, sworn to secrecy to avoid execution, and by myself who was sworn to the same. You murdered your father in cold blood. You killed King Uther, and told everyone he was slain by a sympathiser of magic."

 

A chorus of shocked exclamations rank out from the gathered courtiers and lords, Arthur shouting to be heard above them.

 

"He murdered my mother!"

 

Merlin shook his head, and sighed.

 

"Let me explain a few things to you, which you would have learnt back then if you'd just kept you anger in check long enough to be told... When Queen Ygraine was still alive, she and your father were desperate for a child. Unfortunately, she was barren, and so the two of them turned to the High Priestess, Nimueh, for help. She warned them that for a life to be given, yours, a life would have to be taken as payment. Ygraine's life was the price, and she died bringing you into this world, but your father never knew she would be the one to die. Grief-stricken, and blaming magic for her death, he outlawed it and began to hunt down all who used it... Twenty years later, the witch Morgause led you into believing that Uther knew your mother would die. And so, mad with grief much as he had been when he turned on magic, you stormed into this very room and ran him through in your rage... If you had waited long enough for him or Gaius to tell you the truth of what had happened, you would have found out that he never knew she would die. That losing her hurt him, just as much as it was hurting you."

 

Arthur's anger vanished into shock and bewilderment, leaving him slumped in his throne.

 

"Do you mean to say that he was _innocent?_ "

 

Gilli snorted.

 

"Hardly. He knew someone would have to die so that you could be born, he just didn't care until it turned out to be his wife. And then he went on a rampage, killing uncountable innocent sorcerers because he couldn't accept the consequences of his choice."

 

Merlin's voice was quiet, but still it brought silence to those gathered in this chamber. Even as his words brought renewed shock.

 

"He was also guilty of adultery... After the birth of his son and the death of his wife, Uther's good friend Gorlois headed off to war on Camelot's behalf. During the long months away, Gorlois' wife became lonely, and the King comforted her... And one thing led to another." Merlin glanced apologetically at Morgana, knowing that this would hit her hard. It had been hard enough to hear himself when told by Gaius, after she's already been married to Arthur. "Queen Morgana was not fathered by the man who raised her, but by the man who took her in as his ward."

 

Morgana went white, bringing a hand to her mouth in horror as she whispered.

 

"Then... That means that..."

 

Merlin sighed.

 

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty... You are married to your own half-brother, and your son was born of incest." He looked back to Arthur. "In regards to your crimes, I predict to you the fall of your kingdom. I only pray now, that the destruction my words today will wreak, will be swift."

 

Arthur's expression hardened back into a scowl.

 

"Do you really think my Court will turn against me for any of this?"

 

Merlin remained silent a moment, before looking towards the window he'd shattered.

 

"Maybe _they_ won't, but I can't say the same of the people... I cast a spell before I entered this room. The whole city heard every word we said here, and even now there will be people leaving Camelot to spread the news. It will not be long before all of Albion knows what you have done."

 

He turned to leave, as behind him Arthur started to laugh like a madman.

 

"Do you think this will stop me? I am still the King!"

 

"Not for long, I believe. And don't even think of interfering with my camp again. Because you cannot imagine what I will do to you if you try to harm my wife or friends again."

 

Merlin and his companions left, walking out of the castle and into a city in uproar. Then out beyond those streets, to the quiet of the forest and their camp.

 

~(-)~

 

Over the following weeks, just as Merlin predicted, the word spread like wildfire. Arthur became a king hated by all his subjects, scorned even by the nobles who were supposed to be his allies. But he refused to stand down from the throne, and instead clung to it while harshening the laws binding magic. Any child, of any age, who showed signs of magic was to be brought to Camelot. No one knew what happened to them once they were handed over, they seemed to vanish, but everyone agreed it couldn't be good.

 

It was around that time that Gwen caught Tina using magic, arriving back from the market to find her adopted daughter giggling on the ceiling. After ordering her down, she immediately bundled her off to Merlin's camp. Surprising him with her abrupt and unexpected arrival, and with no other choice leaving Tina in his and Susan's care.

 

It was while this was happening, that Morgana was making her way to Arthur's study. After a troubled night of visions, a dream of the future that should have been.

 

He didn't look up when she entered, but then she hadn't expected him to.

 

"Arthur, can I talk to you for a moment?" He at last acknowledged her presence, raising his hear and regarding her in a way that said 'get on with it then'. Morgana took a deep breath. "We deviated your our destinies, Arthur. I had a vision last night, of what should have been."

 

Curiosity had him speak despite his disdain of her.

 

"And what did you see?"

 

Morgana bit her lip, aware that there were parts of what should have been _her_ future, that she didn't regret not happening.

 

"You weren't supposed you kill your - our - father. Merlin stopped you just in time, and shortly after that I fell under Morgause's influence. Merlin continued to hide his magic, protecting you when I became Camelot's new and soon greatest enemy. He stopped me, time and again, as you eventually became a king loved by all his people. A king who led these lands and magic into an age of peace and understanding. So bright and wonderful, that when I think if it and see what our future is now..."

 

Arthur's expression became a cold scowl.

 

"What is the point of this, Morgana? The past cannot be changed, and that future can never be."

 

"You were never supposed to enslave magic and those who use it. And you were never supposed to make an enemy of Merlin. All of this... it isn't right."

 

The king returned to reading the reports before him, dismissing her with a wave.

 

"If you're here to tell me to give up my throne, let those with magic go, and give in to Merlin's demands... You're wasting your time. Get out."

 

Morgana bit back the desire to yell at him, and instead quietly left to return to her chambers. Gwen was there, waiting for her if a little distracted. The maid's calm presence comforting her during the remainder of the day. It was evening when a knight came, interrupting the pair as Morgana prepared to spend the evening in her son's rooms for what little comfort that brought her. But the summons wasn't for her, but for the maid. Gwen leaving and following Sir Leon to the Throne Room, as the maid had feared would be the case.

 

When she came to a stop before him, and Leon had left, Arthur spoke quietly.

 

"Guinevere, thank you for coming at such short notice."

 

Something was wrong, she knew it immediately. He hadn't called her by her name since he'd broken off their relationship twelve years ago. He'd also never thanked her for anything in that time either.

 

She curtseyed, refusing to be informal.

 

"What can I do for you, Sire?"

 

"I have been told you went into the forest with your daughter today."

 

Gwen hid her fear, instead feigning concern for Tina. So the watchmen had reported to him already.

 

"Yes, Sire. I needed some herbs, so we went out to gather some. She ran off while I wasn't looking, but I couldn't stay to search. My duties to Lady Morgana... I was hoping to go look for her once I'm done for the day."

 

Arthur regarded her blandly.

 

"You're going to search for your missing daughter in the dark?"

 

Gwen looked up sharply.

 

"And if it were your child, would you search in the dark for him, if that's what it would take to find him?"

 

The king remained unmoved, and cold.

 

"Oh I don't doubt you would go to such lengths, but I don't believe you need to in his case. What I think is that your daughter has shown signs of magic, and you took her to your good friend Merlin."

 

"That warlock is not my friend. He is a traitor to the kingdom."

 

Gwen swift reply was a little too glib, not that it would have convinced Arthur. But rather than call her on it, threaten her, he stood up and started to circle her behind her before leaning in close.

 

"Indeed he is... You can tell me the truth, Gwen. It will be our secret... Just tell me how to kill merlin, and then I will make you a Lady and we can be together again."

 

Gwen choked in shock.

 

"You _have_ a wife, Sire. How could I betray my Queen?"

 

Arthur didn't move, his breath almost touching her ear.

 

"I can assure you, Morgana doesn't care about who I invite to my bed. Just think of it. I could give you a better life, with children of your own... I was never able to forget about you, Gwen. I never stopped loving you."

 

Gwen quickly stepped aside and backed away from him, bowing her head and hiding the shivers of revulsion running through her.

 

"I'm sorry, Sire, but I'm afraid I did. Whatever love I felt for you is long gone, and it will _never_ come back... Now, if you will excuse me, I must tend to the Lady Morgana."

 

She turned and hurried out, and with no proof of where her daughter was, Arthur had no reason to detain her. She didn't burden Morgana with what had been discussed, although given the way she was acting the queen could likely have guessed. But as crazy as the situation was already, it only became worse a few hours later. When Morgana woke to realise some of the furniture in her son's room was ablaze, and he was staring at it petrified and screaming. His eyes gleaming gold as his terror only made the fire he'd conjured, worse.

 

In that moment of deja-vu, of the moment her own powers had awakened so long ago, Morgana bundled him up and carried him out. She couldn't stay in the castle any longer, no more! Arthur was clearly insane, and even the impending collapse of his own kingdom wasn't making him see reason and do the right thing. He had to be stopped, now, before he hurt anyone else.

 

It was after going to Gwen, explaining that Prince Mordred had magic, that the maid led the way through the darkness to Merlin's camp. The warlock was only mildly surprised to see them, having sensed an uncontrolled surge of magic in the castle, and gestured for them to seat themselves around the camp-fire.

 

Mordred was awake too, having also sensed the flare of power, and Morgana smiled when she saw him.

 

"It's good to see you. I'm glad that you're free."

 

The druid returned the smile.

 

"It's good to see you too."

 

Uncomfortable silence fell, with nothing but the crackle of the camp-fire and Prince Mordred's whimpers of lingering fright to be heard. And then, after a few minutes, Morgana looked at Merlin.

 

"You have to end this Merlin, now. Arthur is _insane_ , and nothing you do or say is going to make him let our people go. I know you don't want to hurt him, but you can't drag this out any more. You have to do something, before he kills or enslaves any more innocent people."

 

Merlin remained quiet, bleak, as he bowed his head and stared into the fire. He knew this was coming, had tried to avoid it, but now he couldn't run from it anymore.

 

He stood, looking to the eastern sky, which was just beginning to pale with the coming dawn. And then he began to walk away, towards the city.

 

"When you hear the bells tolling, come back to the castle. The people of Camelot will need you then."

 

As he disappeared into the gloom, a knowing glance passed between queen and druid, but he ignored it. All he knew was the chill dread and reluctance in his heart, as he reached the city and entered with ease. Proceeding on to the castle, where the guards were on alert having quelled a fire in the prince's chambers and discovered he and Morgana to be missing.

 

They all stepped aside fearfully when Merlin passed, none of them willing to risk him hurting them. But he didn't even look at them as he walked through the hallways to the Throne Room, finding Arthur waiting there with his back to the door.

 

The king didn't turn. Not needing to, to know the man who had been his best friend had walked in the door.

 

"My Court Sorcerers say that the fire was magical, but not your magic or Morgana's... I suppose she and my son have joined you?"

 

Merlin nodded, grim.

 

"She fears you will enslave your son just as you enslaved her. Just as you have done to so many others. Fear of your insanity, has driven from you even those of your own flesh and blood... You are alone, Arthur. You have no one left."

 

Arthur sighed, something about him suddenly seeming almost... broken.

 

"I know... But it's too late now, to undo what's been done."

 

Merlin approached him, Arthur turning to face him as he came closer. The king having only a moment to register the tears in the warlock's eyes, before the dagger in Merlin's hand was plunged into his chest.

 

Arthur's eyes widened in a moment of shock, before his knees buckled and Merlin caught him. The warlock's words, soft.

 

"I know... and I'm sorry it had to come to this." Arthur struggled for another breath, as if desperate to say something more before he lost the battle and went limp. Merlin then laying him on the floor, his tears mingling with the blood seeping across the king's chest. "Two sides of the same coin, that never ceased to be true... Goodbye, my brother."

 

~(-)~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As crazy as Arthur became, Merlin killing him always made me cry. I had tears in my eyes the first time I wrote that bit. But Arthur had to die, and it had to be by Merlin's hand. Merlin would never have had it any other way.


	18. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, everyone. The epilogue. Trigger warning (don't read if you don't want spoilers) for suicide.

In the days that followed, great changes happened within Camelot. Arthur, at Merlin's insistence, got the funeral of a king... Even if very few people cried for him. Officially, the warlock had announced to the people that Arthur, faced with his kingdom falling apart, had killed himself. If there were any who suspected the truth, there were none who voiced it. The people were too busy recovering from the damage Merlin had done, even if he had reversed all the spells as soon as the king was dead.

 

There were a few who were angry at Merlin as well, but that soon faded in the face of the joy of the magical community. As Morgana, now Queen Regent until her son was old enough to ascend to the throne, released them from their slavery and repealled all the laws that had held them restricted.

 

Stood at one of the castle windows, Merlin now watched those same sorcerers using their magic to bring the kingdom back to prosperity. His eyes then catching sight of Gwen crossing the courtyard below, he sighed and headed along the passage.

 

Lancelot had tried to rekindle his long-ago romance with her, but Gwen, who had now been made a Lady, was no longer in love with him. She'd made it clear they could still be friends, and Merlin suspected that Gwen was unlikely to ever marry at all, having had her heart broken too many times. It was something likely to disappoint Tina greatly, but not too much. She and Prince Mordred, thanks to Gwen becoming a noble, were now playmates and being raised together. It any were likely to marry each other, then it would be those two. Something that would delight their mothers no end.

 

Reaching the castle entrance, it was now the elder Mordred who Merlin saw in passing. The druid on his way to a council meeting. He'd agreed he would stay in Camelot as councillor for Morgana, until the time the prince was old enough to rule. He would go back to the forest after that, avoiding any confusion that might arise from having a king and a councillor with the same name.

 

Merlin now reached the gate into the upper town, able to see the recovery work up close now. Everyone was working so hard, and working together, much like the villagers in Frithstow did to clean up after the winter storms. Gilli had gone back to the village, to tell them of all that had happened after the three of them had set out to deal with Arthur. With two months having passed since the king's death, the young sorcerer may even be on his way back to the city by now.

 

It was with a deep sigh that Merlin reached his destination, the house in the upper town that Morgana had granted to him and Susan. His wife wasn't in, probably at the market, and that suited him just fine... He only hoped she would forgive him for what he was about to do, unlike he who could not forgive himself for murdering the man who he should have guided to an age of prosperity. The man who had been his best friend. And all the innocent people who had died as a result of what he'd done with magic to try and force Arthur to free the magical community... Merlin had ended all those lives, had all that blood on his hands... and he couldn't face it anymore.

 

Camelot and Albion didn't _need_ him anymore. Not his magic, and not his presence reminding them of all the damage and suffering he had caused or allowed to happen.

 

It was an hour later when Susan returned to the house, smiling and calling out to Merlin when she saw his hair above the back of the chair by the fire. But when he didn't respond, she frowned and went to him. Only to drop to her knees in horror and denial at what she found.

 

He was dead, with an empty vial of poison in one hand and a letter of apology to her in the other. So broken by what he had been forced by fate to do, that even for her and their child he could no longer face living.

 

Thus he was not there when she gave birth to twin boys just a week later, who she named Arthur and Merlin. He did not see his son's growing up, or the magical mishaps they caused with their burgeoning powers. And he was not there to see the day a new and special kind of magic was inherited by them.

 

Susan was out in the woods collecting mushrooms, wondering to herself over the several unusual an unexpected sighings of Kilgharrah recently. Normally the dragon kept to himself, but of late he seemed unusually attatched to the area.

 

As if her thoughts were the trigger, upon entering the next clearing she found him seated amongst the grass. He looked resigned to something, and yet when he saw her that expression become one of relief.

 

"Ah, Susan. Might I have a word with you?"

 

She walked over to him, puzzled by the request.

 

"And what could a simple human woman like me be able to help you with?"

 

Kilgharrah grimaced, his tone holding a wincing edge.

 

"Could you perhaps tell your sons to stop summoning me? I know they are new to that gift, as unexpected as it is for them _both_ to have it, but I really cannot keep coming here at their every whim."

 

Susan frowned.

 

"What do you mean by 'summon'?"

 

Kilgharrah sighed.

 

"It is the power of a Dragonlord, the ability to command my kind and us to be unable to disobey. Balinor was the last Dragonlord, the only one to survive the Great Purge. For your son's to bear the gift, then it can only mean that Balinor was Merlin's father, and that he is now dead. For only in death does the gift pass on to the next living generation. If your sons were powerful before, then they are even more so now." He shook his head. "So please, if you would be so kind, tell them to stop calling me. I would greatly appreciate it."

 

Susan watched as the dragon spread his wings and launched himself up into the sky. Looking on as he left before bringing a hand to a head in resignation of her own.

 

"My sons are both Dragonlords... Oh Merlin, if only you were here to know what a handful your children are. I can only hope they will be less so when they reach their teenage years."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, a few words to conclude. When I first started writing this story, I only knew one thing: I wanted a bittersweet ending, but I also wanted to leave it open to a potential sequel. I can now confirm that yes, there will be a sequel centered on the twins, Tina, and Prince Mordred. Before that though, there will be the companion fic to this story, called "Those Who Remain". It will detail the events mentioned in the prologue of this fic, as well as what happened in Camelot during Merlin's exile, and conclude with the direct aftermath of Merlin's suicide.


End file.
